Baptism

So Maddie's Baptism turned out really well. She was in a perfect mood! She was great the entire hour in Church, and that continued as the Baptism started. She smiled and cooed at the priest everytime he came near her. He was enjoying it I could tell. And when we were up on the alter I held her out so she could see everyone (mostly to keep her non-fussy) she was totally hamming it smiling and laughing at everyone in the Church. Everyone got a kick out of that. We took so many pictures she was completely exhausted, yet still really hanging in there. When we got home I literally just set her in her crib and off she went to sleep.







I stayed home yesterday with Maddie as my Mom is not feeling well. It was so nice to be home with her. I can't wait until I am full time.

I started a little Holiday Business venture to help make a little money now that I am going to be a stay at home mom. I will blog more about it later, and I will also be sending out a communication to family and friends. However, if you just can't wait another moment to find out what it is, I created a Myspace page for it, and you can see it here:

www.myspace.com/withlovesanta

Meet my daughter, AKA the HULK

My god... Maddie totally has the strongest grip. I swear, yesterday I was changing her diaper and she wrapped her leg around my arm and leg-locked me. I honestly had to use my other arm to move her leg so I could get my leg-locked arm out!! Then, today, I was feeding her more advocado and she decided she wanted to hold the spoon herself and I seriously felt like I was wrestling with DJ, not a 4.5 month old!!

And, she reached another milestone... sucking on her big toe. Yup, I knew it was going to happen very soon. She was getting closer and closer to getting her foot in her mouth. I assume today wasn't her first time though and she might have already done this while I was at work. Cause I reached over to get a wipe, and turn back, and toe is in mouth, and she has a good suction on that like she knew what she was doing. I know they are baby feet, but from someone who HATES HATES HATES feet, it really grosses me out. Once I got over the laughs, I kept pulling it out cause I wanted to gag. :)

I am not sure what happened tonight, but we had a disasterous bath. I know the temp of the water was ok, but I dipped her feet in and she screamed bloody murder. I will admit, since I have been back to work I haven't given her a bath. I know, I know, call the authorities. It has just been really hard cause I can only do it after work as she is sleeping right until I have to put her into her carseat in the mornings, and we hadn't really gotten down a good schedule until this week. So, it could very possibly have been the fact that she hasn't had one in a while and forgot that she doesn't mind them, or I am thinking I ususally put her in butt first, and this time, cause she was more steady and older, I just dipped her feet in first. I really have no idea, and I am hoping it was a fluke, cause it pretty muched sucked, and she still cried a ton afterwards, and that is just not like Maddie.

So we are getting ready for her baptism this weekend. She is going to wear the dress my sister and I were baptized in, and that is so cool to me. My mom also bought her this really cute white fur coat to wear to the church, and she is just going to look adorable!! I of course will post pictures.

So, now that I have been back to work for 2 weeks, I have to admit, now that I am going to be staying home I am like what am I going to do with her all day long. I remember when I was home with her I was the happiest I have been in a long, long time. But suddenly I forget how we used to pass the time. Then I remember some things, like I have a CD one of my Aunts bought that is a mommy and me sing-a-long CD. We used to put that in and sing with it while I folded laundry and stuff. She used to LOVE that. I know there are other things...well walks, but those are probably going to stop soon. Although I can't wait to take Maddie out for her first SNOW of the season. That's right, I'll admit it... I LOVE SNOW. I just don't love it in March and April. :)

Happy Hump Day to all!

HOLY Crap!!

I have given much thought to the baptism of my first baby even before I was pregnant. I knew I wanted my child to attend Parochial school as I did. So when Maddie was born, I knew that I wanted to give her a similar upbringing to what I had with regards to faith. DJ was not practicing, and had no real direction growing up. Whereas I had direction, but didn't always necessarily agree with the beliefs of the Catholic religion. I have always had a relationship with God, just don't think you HAVE to attend Church to have a relationship with him, don't agree with how judgemental many people who are outrightly religious are. BUT, I want to give Maddie some starting point to which she can develop her own beliefs and Faith. I just don't trust myself to teach her properly if it is left all up to me. (I will never forget the Christmas that my young nephew asked me Who Jesus was, to which my reply was "uhhh, Go ask your Mom!" )

Anyhow, So yesterday morning I was feeding Maddie and decided to check out if Sat. morning cartoons were as good as they were when I was a kid (back when you couldn't get cartoons on TV 24/7). So, I happen to come across Catholic Network Television, and there is a somewhat cute cartoon on. A bit boring, and a lot cheesy. So I watch the end of the cartoon, and next comes a show for a bit older children, like 6 or 7. I am walking into the kitchen thinking, that is cool, I will have Maddie watch these when she is older.. well as I am walking into the Kitchen, I hear the adult in the show say Abortion, you know when the Mommy kills the baby in her womb... I was like Holy Crap! My daughter will NOT be watching this crap... Holy or not! Being away from the Catholic Church for a while made me forget how strict they are, and that Catholic guilt thing!! I had a friend who made the observation that all of the people she knows that have given up on religion were Catholic. I had never thought about that before, but I can see why that would be the case.

Well, enough about that, on to the fun stuff. This weekend people came over to watch the Michigan/Mich State Game. GO BLUE. Maddie enjoyed herself cause she had lots of attention. Her schedule is all out of wack, and I can't even begin to go about fixing it... Infact, she just went down for bed minutes ago- which is technially without Daylight Savings 10:25. UGH.
She is so crabby without proper sleep.

She has been eating cereal regularly, and today I added Advocado... since she had done 4 days without any problems on the cereal. It was so funny to watch her eat the advocado. she actually made a pretty funny face. Soon though she was sucking on the spoon. She didn't eat a lot, she has been pretty fussy today. I think she did not get enough sleep last night. So she hasn't exactly been herself today. She took pretty good naps, so hopefully that will help.

On the WORK FRONT, I talked to my Boss on Thursday and told him that there is no way I will be able to travel. I said that I realize that is a major part of my job, and since I cannot fulfill my job duties, that I realize I would have to be replaced. He agreed, that I would have to make a decision to be replaced if I could not travel. SOOO, that was a huge weight off my chest. He is also looking at a possible switch of accounts for me if someone who does not have to travel would be interested... I don't think anyone would, and on top of that, I don't think I would take it as the other option is No travel, but a lot of overtime. I have done retail ads before, that always equals late nights, and unplanned late nights. So, that isn't THAT much different that traveling. Plus I would have to switch offices which would make my commute go from 15 minutes to 35 or more. So, at this point, we are going to talk later next week, and I am not really sure what next steps will be, or when I will actually be done working, but I do know the first time I have to travel is mid december, so I assume at that point, it would be around then sometime.

ok, well I am off to watch TV with the Hubby.

The Return

So here I sit the night before I return to corporate America. And I just feel blah about it. Who knew I would ever feel like this. I mean, once I was PG I was starting to get an idea that my career driven attitude was weaning, but really, I just thought it was a stage I was going through that would get old and that when it was time to return, I would be ready for it. Not so. Joke is ON ME. Hmph! That is what I say to that. I literally cannot get sleep tonight. As I start to fall asleep, I slowly work my way up to an almost state of hyperventilation. Doesn't this tell me something, doesn't this tell DJ something. I get the message, him... not so much! Annoying. Totally messing up our relationship vibe (yup, I just used the word vibe.) I don't think I have ever felt so separated from him. I mean, I get his reasoning. He is afraid of being poor again. Well, so am I. But, the Motherly selfless-ness that I never thought I would get, well, I got it, and yes I am afraid of a struggle. But what I am more afraid of is not being there for the first year of my daughters life. Great, I will be home by 5:30 to spend 1 hour with her before she goes down for the night- and that is only on the nights I don't have to work overtime. If I work an hour of overtime I will be getting just as she is about to go to BED for the night.

Today we had the pre-baptism meeting for Madddie. And while there Sister Margaretta had said something that has stuck with me all night. She was saying how she thinks that babies that were never wanted have their spirits damaged in the womb. Wow, I think she is so right. I cannot remember how we got on the topic, but we were talking about evil, and that led to unhappy babies. She wasn't directly talking about being a stay-at-home Mom, but I totally agree with her. I mean, I totally think part of why Maddie is such a happy baby (and someone just said this to me the other day) is because I was SOOO happy being pregnant. I think a lot of that spiritual feeling is passed through the body into the baby. And, I think that a baby who is left in daycare, is a bit damaged in their soul. Go ahead, flame me for that one. But, I totally do. And I truly in my mind think that is part of the problem with society today. Kids are just left to be raised by whomever, and are not home with their Mother for the greater part of their upbringing. Then, when they get old enough to understand, we bully them into thinking they HAD to go into Daycare, because Mom HAD to work, because things are so expensive and you need to have a double income family in order to survive. Don't get me wrong, I know there are some cases, where a double income IS needed, or a Mom is a single Mom, and NEEDS to work. And I think because they are working for the right reasons, THAT gets pushed into the soul, the selfless act by a single Mom, or a needy family. But not every situation is like that.

DJ and I had very different upbringings. And, now I am starting to think that a possible reason why DJs soul is so sad, may have to do with the fact that his Mom used to leave for days at a time, and leave him and his sister home alone. There wasn't a good (or even bad) cooked meal on the table. He used to melt chocolate chips and put them on graham crackers for dinner. He talks about how he would be sooo bored stuck at home. Or one time, in the freezing cold, he came home from kindergarten and no one was home and he had to hide in the garage to try to be warm! Where, on the other hand, and yes, my family was not well off either. But, my Mom was home, and my Dad came home afterwork. We always had a cooked meal on the table, and we ate together- no tv. Sometimes I remember it being hotdogs and chicken noodle soup, and my parents didn't even eat, when times were rougher than others. But the point is that we sat at the table together and were ToGether. And now as I am typing this, I am wondering if the sadness that DJ thinks was from being poor, wasn't actually from being left alone and deserted a lot. That in itself just proves to me that I really do know what is right, I just am not sure how to get DJ to understand what is right for Maddie. I mean, what more can we need? We have a decent house, but we have nice furniture, a big screen downstairs, a flat screen in our bedroom, I just bought a new camera, he finally got his gun safe. Which now with kids was more of a necessity that it was for fun. But, sure things would be tight, but we can deal with tight for a few years. I can't imagine that it wouldn't work out.

Tonight Sister Margretta said another thing that struck home with me. She had said when you feel alone, to go to God. I felt like she could see right through me. Cause I have felt so alone lately. DJ just doesn't understand me, and well, when things get bad he runs, or at least just stays away. None of my friends understand, and well I am just totally confused myself, because, I do feel this weird thing of guilt, or like if I were to leave the workforce, I JUST become a stay-at-home Mom. That is another thing I do not understand about society today, why is it, that people easily make you feel worthless for wanting to stay home with the love of your life. The one person/thing that you are most responsible for in this world. If you want to devote your life to it, you are looked at as weak. What is that about? And, until after having my daughter, I am ashamed to say, that I have been completely guilty of this. Judging people for JUST being a Stay-at-home Mom, making my friends, or others I don't know well, feel bad for doing this very important JOB. Anyhow, back to the point at hand... It just totally hit home. I DO need God right now at this very trying point in my life. I need to talk to him about this. It just seems weird to be asking him for the strength to be a working Mom, when what reasons do I really have to be a working Mom. It is certainly not survival. It is for selfish reasons, like wanting to flaunt money,having brand new cars every couple of years. How do you justify THAT? I think I am just going to ask him for help to NOT feel weak because I WANT to be a stay-at-home Mom, and for help in getting DJ to understand and be supportive of that.

WOW! This vent has made me feel much better. I think I can actually fall asleep now. So, i am off to bed. Wish me luck tomorrow, and for the entire week of being away from my little girl!