The Family "Guide"

So I created a Schedule for our family.  I am actually calling it a guide.  This is because I am not so ignorant to believe that this will be followed like a true schedule.  I mean, I do have a 2 and a half year old and a 12 month old.  I mean, shit happens (pun intended).  :) 

But really, I have been thinking about this,and the truth is, if I did work a full time job outside the house, we would have to have a schedule.  I think over scheduling can be a bad thing for kids, but I have included plenty of free time in the guide to be sure that we can catch up on things we may not get to. Or times where we may go outside of the house, or we might stay in.  Depending on our moods, the weather, etc.  I am excited about this, and surprisingly enough when I talked to DJ about doing something like this, he actually agreed it would be good. :)  We will see how much he really likes this guide however. 

This also has set (earlier) bed times for the kiddos.  I am starting to see how important this is, because the truth of the matter is, no matter how much Maddie does not want to go to bed when it is time... she is SOOO much happier of a kid when she does go down early rather than later.  AND, I can surely see a difference in mental happiness for myself :)  And, as much as I would love to play the part of "being all about my kid" a happy Mom really truly equals a happy husband and family!

Even after dinner, the thought ran through my mind of leaving the after dinner mess go till tomorrow.  BUT, it is not in the schedule- so if I do leave it go till then, it will just throw the day off.  So, I cleaned up tonight.  Again, if I worked outside of the home, I would do things NOW, I wouldn't put off.  So, I am going to be running this house like a tight ship.  More for myself than anyone else...but I truly know that it will make for a happier family overall.

Oh man, I got saved...

I posted a blog a couple days ago about not having any one to come and rescue me when I need a break from the kiddos.  I guess you put things out into the universe and you get what you ask for.

On Saturday morning about 11AM, Nanny unexpectedly showed up and took the kids for the day...well actually the night!  SO, we had all day and night Saturday and Sunday morn to get ready for Cam's party and have some fun. :)  Saturday we did get soooo much done.  Saturday night we went to dinner at Sandy's for .50 coneys!  Then we had a fire in the backyard as it was a perfect night for it!  Then Sunday again, it was so unbelievably nice to be able to just run off and go do some errands and continue to get ready for the party, sans kids!  :)  It was a great surprise, and just something I really needed at the time.  I was able to do some catch up on other things I have been meaning to do as well!

Oh, and to boot, Nanny took the kiddos out to get outfits for the party, which took away a very large to- do on my list!  :)  Isn't she awesome!

In my blog post, ( i removed that post for personal reasons) I mentioned how my Mom was just not the type of person who would come and rescue like that even if she was still alive and healthy.  I mentioned that she would have told me SHE never had someone to come and rescue her when things got tough.  By the end of the blog, I had pretty much went from poor me, to WOW, it is almost like my Mom is here talking to me.  So amazing how even though she is not here, I know well enough what she would say to me, if I called to vent to her.  It made me feel good about things again.  And it really made me think and feel comforted about how well I know her, and how good our relationship was like that. 

WELL!!!  My point was really proven yesterday!  The party started at 2:00 and one of my Aunts (mom's sister) got there right on time, if not a bit early.  Nanny brought the kids home after 2:00, so everyone was asking where are the kids.  And my Aunt, who we could use the excuse is almost 80, so she can be blunt, although she was really always overly blunt even when she didn't have being an old bag as an excuse ;) Was loudly saying "Where are the kids?  I came here to see kids Damn-it!"  And I had already told her what had happened.  DJs friend Stephan nicely repeated.  "Susie came and got the kids on Saturday morning so that they could get ready for the party without kids."  And next my Aunt says "HMPH! I NEVER had anyone to do that for me!!!!"  Which is basically exactly the wording I used in my blog that my Mom would have said to me if she was here to hear me complain!!!  OMG, I just about died laughing.  My Aunt said, "I would have just told them to get their asses outside!"  Which is something that you just cannot do now-a-days.  I have a corner lot.  I am not sending my 2 year old out there to play alone!

Times really have changed.  The way we raise our kids and I think family structure is so different.  Parents are more involved in their children's lives, as are grandparents.

Anyhow, I got a big laugh and more reassurance that I do know best what Mom would say.  AND, maybe my Mom did all of the child rearing on her own, but I do not feel guilty, or bad for a minute that I got rescued on Saturday.  I am very thankful that I did!

The Bike & The Heartbreaks

When you become a parent, you will soon enough feel your heartbreak a million times over. I am serious. There is nothing big enough in your life to give you the heartbreak you will feel when something good does not happen, or something bad does happen to one of your kids. And I do suspect that there are more to come, and maybe even some heartbreaks that hurt more than the ones I have felt thus far.

There are MANY things that have broken my heart since Maddie has been born. But none as big so far as a dumb bike. That is right... I said- a DUMB BIKE!

Maddie has been infatuated with bikes since I first started training for my 3 day. Which was back in March. As we would go around subdivisions she would point out bikes and even said to me a couple of times "Maddie Bike".

Then fast forward to us going camping with our friends, and their kiddos bringing bikes camping. Maddie would get on their bikes and really none of them fit her very well. For her 2nd birthday I was adament about getting her a bike, but the truth is, I cannot figure out which one is best and well now that we are watching money, I really have some "rules" about the bike she gets. I either want her to be able to ride it for a while, or I want Cameron to be able to ride it next season if she is to outgrow it, and I want to be sure that she can use it right now. So the week of her camping birthday weekend I go to the store and I look at all the bikes. I really have no idea which one to get and we have already plopped down a lot of money for the camping trip. I found one that I thought might be good and it was on sale, so I called DJ to see what he thinks (why I don't know) and he talks me out of it all together. But I wanted so badly for her to get her own bike camping! Her birthday comes and goes and still Maddie does not have a bike and she still continues to be obessed with bikes.

Now fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I clean my Dads house, and I try to walk over there, to help with my training, but this time I decide to ride my bike over there because I was running out of time and had some other things to do- but still wanted the physical exercise. When I get home, I say to my hubby in a joking manner, "HMMM, wonder what I should spend my money on...??? A manicure, a pedicure, maybe a dinner out". As we are sitting on the couch Maddie keeps talking about a bike, and I say I wonder what is making her bring that up. DJ tells me that when I left for my Dads she watched me ride off on my bike, and kept saying "Mommy Bike"! So, I mention that my bike is outside, and somehow Maddie misunderstands and she thinks I told her that WE GOT HER A BIKE OUTSIDE!! (enter heartbreak #1) It was seriously the saddest thing to watch her. She says YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! MYYYYYYYYYY BIKEEEEEEEEEEEE, YEAH!!!!! Clapping hands and getting so excited and wanting to go outside to "Go See My Bike!" I so very sadly tell her NO Maddie, there is no bike out there for you. Then DJ is teasing me, "Guess I know what you are spending your $50 on. Honestly if it would not have been so late, I would have taken her straight to the toy store to pick out her bike. A couple days go by, and I haven't forgotten about the bike, I have saved the $50, but I haven't gone out to get her one again. Then one of my friends post a Facebook Status about how they spoil their Son cause they just bought him a Sand and Water Table for no reason. After reading that I just cannot help it, I think it is ridiculous that my daughter does not have a bike. I mean that is basic, right, it isn't even like I am spoiling her by having a bike, she doesn't even have 1. (enter heartbreak #2 about the fact that we do not have the money to properly spoil our daughter). So the very next day I pack up the kids and take them to Toys R Us to get her a bike. She had a blast in the toy store getting on all the bikes and she even picked herself out a "HAT" (helmet) which I did not tell her she needed...she knew about this all on her own. (so observent aren't they). So I look over EVERY bike, and I cannot figure out which one is best to get. It is hard cause it seems like one is too small, the next size too big. I settled on a big wheel type bike, but they do not have any girly ones, and so I bought a Harley Davidson one- it had a key pad and made sounds and stuff, and she played with it for a while. However, it is in a box, and I am not even sure she knows it is a bike. I feel slighty bad that I did not get her a girly bike with tassles like every girl dreams of. (those were heartbreaks 3 & 4) But I tell myself it is ok cause next year we will get her her girly bike.

I get the bike home and get a BIG no way from the hubby, becuase it is a BOY bike. Which really was my point, so they both can ride it next summer. And besides Girls can ride Harley's. Anyhow, he never puts it together, I get over it because like I said before it was in a box, and I don't even think she realized we bought a bike that day. Then I decide the $50 would better be spent on groceries, so I go out to do errands, and DJ brings out the bike from the garage for me to take back to the store. I pack up my car, and as I leave I say good-bye and I grab the bike in a box. I head for the gate and Maddie starts running following behind me screaming "HEEEYYYYY!!! THAT MYYYYYYY Bike!!! (Enter Heartbreak #5 and the biggest one of all). I had no idea she KNEW that was a bike. Really. I just stood there frozen for a little while, and then, I did the number ONE bad parenting thing..... I TOTALLY put the blame back on my Hubby. Lol. I said "Well we have to take it back to the store cause Daddy says it is a boy bike!"

So, on my way I went, feeling like the suckiest parent ever. I mean, really I know I am not, and I know it is not important for kids to be spoiled with material items. But at the same time you cannot help but to want to give your kids EVERYTHING their little heart desires. Even when you KNOW that it is not always best for them.

(is anyone still reading) Well if you are, I will talk about heartbreak #6...that was tonight. There was a man on a bike riding down the street as I got Maddie out of the car. she noticed him right away and said "Bike" Pointing to him. Then she says "mommy, where MY bike?" I answer "You do not have a bike Maddie." She answers "Yeah, My Bike. M'ere (come here) and she takes me to the side-door of the garage and so I open it for her. She takes me over to where the box with the bike in it sat from the day I bought it till the day I took it back. She stopped put shrugged her shoulders and said "where bike at?" Ok, I get it, she always knew all along that that box was a bike! Why are kids so smart?

This thing called Life

Doesn't everyone just feel like there isn't enough time in the day? I think we all complain about that. But here is what has been nagging at me for a few days now. I have this growing list of things that I want to do. Either regularly or just once before...you know...I "kick" it if you will.

And here is the problem... the list keeps growing, I keep adding to it, but I am not crossing anything off! This is a problem to me. This has always bugged me, but I have more recently been thinking about this with the Death of my Mom 7 months ago, then her friend and neighbor just passed a week ago. My Mom was 61 and her friend in her 80s. But the others ones that REALLY bug me, are my sister's neighbor who died in her late 30s of Cancer that was consuming her whole body. They found the cancer, and she was gone a week later! Then, my High School boyfriend's sister also passed away last weekend. She was 38 and it was completely sudden and unexpected. My sister's neighbor left 3 children behind, my High School Boyfriend's Sister left 2 children.

It is just scary. I mean, I don't usually sit here at age 32 and think what if I die at 38? That means I only have 6 years left to really truly LIVE my life! That is not a lot of time at all! But I don't think of those types of things because I like to live with a much more positive outlook on life and things. But WHAT IF?? What if I KNEW that would be when I died. I bet I would start out and cross some things off that list. I would be writing in this blog everyday leaving messages to my kids about what we did and what I feel and how much I love them. But I don't know, I don't have an end in site, so the list sits, and it grows.

I will say, that if I did know/find out I was going to pass at 38, I would be so thankful for the fact that I left my job a year and a half ago to stay home with Maddie full time. And I would be proud of myself for continuing to stay home with Cameron and find something I can do from home to bring in income! I know that I would not care a minute about how successful I was in the advertising industry. Or the fact that staying home means going out to eat less, and buying less things, or not being able to get new furniture, a new bathroom, new clothes. I know I would be more active and get out and do things, I would scrapbook some memory albums for my kids and my husband! I would pray a lot more, and go camping with the family more.

I mean the bottom line is that when my Mom passed and when we talked about her, when our family talked about her, it was things like her kindness and her craftiness that we talked about. Not how she dressed, how she looked, where she worked. Etc. That all means nothing once you have crossed to the other side. It is about how you treat people and how you lived your life.

I DO love my life. It sometimes gets overwhelming, and I often times feel boring and just like a Mom. And I DO need to spend a little more time doing things that are fun and relaxing for me. So I am going to slowly start crossing some of those things off my list. I still don't feel a need to rush at completing this list...I feel good just about crossing things off. As long as it isn't sitting and building while I take care of only my husband, children and the home. I need to set up and become a bit more of a priority!

Just for fun- some pictures of my wonderful life!

Cutie Cam with a messy rice cereal face! Have I ever told you that I love messy face shots!


Papa Don gave Maddie her first ever Sour Patch Kid!


It was SOUR!

They say to make something a habit you must do it for 28 days. I finally think they are right! I have tried to do many things for those 28 days in order to establish a new habit. Dieting, exercise, Cleaning, etc. And I have never made it through the 28 days. Until this NaBloPoMo. And this is why I now believe the habit. I can't help but to come on and blog. Even though I have given myself permission not to. But, it no longer feels like a complete day if I haven't blogged!

Last night, Maddie got sick! Threw up all in her crib. Poor Baby. It was 1:00 in the morning, so needless to say- I changed her, cleaned her up, and left her crib as is until the morning. I hate fighting with the matress and crib bumper to change the sheet and it is certainly not something I wanted to deal with at 1 in the morning. Not to mention, that I just couldn't let her sleep alone feeling icky and all.

So she came to bed with DJ and I. Which is a rare event for her. So, she got her second wind and had fun being in bed between us. She finally went back to sleep at... 3:00am! Ugh. It was not fun. She woke up for good at 6:00 when Cameron woke up for his feeding. Ugh again!

She seemed to do OK most of the day. But I was still pretty leary about whether she was actually feeling better or not. She was very cuddly and whiny all day. Around 4:30 she finally crawled up on the couch with me and feel asleep. We both slept until 6:30. She was very whiny when she first woke up which leads me to believe she is still not entirely up to par.

I myself, am not feeling too well.

Cameron, he has a bit of a stuffy nose too. His little nostrils are so tiny as it is, the poor boy has such a hard time breathing when he is a bit stuffed up. But, he still was pretty smiley and happy tonight! That boy I tell ya, he sure is becoming a cutie. Talking to his little dinos on his swing, and anyone else who will talk to him. Also, the best is how he will just snuggle into my chest and relax and go to sleep. Like he has just been waiting his WHOLE life to relax in my arms. Yes I realize his life is only 8 weeks long! But still, for him that IS a long time!

Anyhow, this is just one of the many things that makes being a Mom so amazing!

In Heaven!!!!!!!

I am in HEAVEN right now. Yesterday I went grocery shopping and I decided to splurge, both monetarily and calorically (is that a word?) on one of the coffee mate cream flavors (not the powder stuff, the good stuff!). My favorite Vanilla Caramel!

YUM!

I am sitting here enjoying some peace and quiet. Maddie is still sleeping... well actually she is awake in her crib- I saw her up on the video monitor. But she is not making any noises to make me aware that she is up. So in the crib she stays. I am enjoying the time to be on the 'puter, and obviously she needs some time to wake up still. So that works for me. Cameron is enjoying some swing time.

Ok, Maddie is now babbling to herself in there and it is the cutest thing ever! I love hearing the sounds of my happy babies. Now she is saying "Paaaaaapppaaa"! She still hasn't gotten used to Papa NOT getting her out of her crib in the mornings from when my Dad came to help out those two weeks. LOL. She is a goof and she sure loves her Papa. And who wouldn't? He is a great Papa, super fun and loving, just like he was as a Dad. My Mom may be gone, but how blessed am I to still have an amazing Dad with me!

Ok, Ok, I will stop giving you all play by plays of what my daughter is doing in her crib. But before I go, Maddie's babbling to herself reminded me of this post I wrote when Maddie was a baby. Go here to read it!

P.S. Cam is starting to make some noises... almost coos. I LOVE those sounds. He stops real quick though cause as soon as he makes the noise I smother him with kisses cause I think it is so cute. Maybe I should give the boy a chance to speak, huh? haha.

I am sure this heavenly feeling will quickly end when I go to get Maddie and find out the reason she stayed in there so long was to make Mommy a nice poopy diaper! :) Oh Mother-hood!

Being a Mom

When my Mom passed away it made me realize how important my role of a Mother is.

Ironically enough, since my Mom has passed I have really sucked in the Mom department.

Part of this is because of the addition of my newest little one. I now just have less time to do things with Maddie and a lot more on my plate. Also for poor Cameron, the quality of his care compared to the care Maddie received at his age is much to be desired. The poor kid is often left to cry in his bassinette while I attend to Maddie's needs. What can I say? I am only one person.

The other part is that I have been tense, and easily irritated. I know this has a lot to do with losing my Mom. Suddenly it is hard for me to just handle regular old stress and issues. At one time my life was just complete, and dare I say perfect. Now, there is a big gapping hole in my world, in my being.

In my Mom's final hours and the ones soon after her passing, I had so many memories of my childhood flood to my mind. Basically, it was just a lot of simple, un-fun memories. Suddenly the big events weren't important, but that fact that she was always there for me was. The times we spent together when my big Sister was in school and I was still home. The times like her giving me my medicine and a kiss when I was sick. The fact that when I was sick and laying on the couch, she was sitting on the love seat nearby. The fact that she was home for pretty much every bedtime, bathtime, etc. She was just there. I cannot put into words the appreciation and happiness I felt after her death about being home with Maddie.

I am not always a perfect Mom, and I am sure I never will be. Lucky for me that I realized one other thing from my Mom's passing. Mom's don't have to be perfect, they just have to be.

What kind of a Mother are you?

I found this to be very accurate. I got this from A Mother's Musings

MY type is: ENFP —The “Kids R Fun” Mother

“Whatever I enjoy—playing tag or singing in the car—I can do it with kids around. And it’s totally legitimate!”


Playful and energetic, the ENFP mother finds her children to be good company and enjoys being with them. In fact, she says being with children justifies her own “being a kid again.” And children say she’s fun to be with — spontaneous, hearty, and imaginative.
Naturally drawn to introducing her children to the joys of life, the ENFP is something of a free spirit. She is less concerned with rules, routines, and schedules, and more inclined to give her children plenty of free time to play, explore on their own or with her, and have fun together.
Tuned in to her children, the ENFP mother enthusiastically encourages each one’s individuality and unique potential through a great variety of experiences. She is also quick to identify with others’ feelings and thoughts, making her an empathetic supporter of her children, not to mention her mate and many, many friends.

Go here to find out what kind of a Mother you are.

I found an interesting article... Gen X Moms Staying Home

This is interesting to meeven though I did not fit the "latchkey" profile.

I really found the part interesting that stated about taking having kids more seriously since waiting later to have them.

I will admit, I have missed working a lot recently. Although, as I suspected would be the case, I do not regret the decision, and am still so very happy I am here to be with Maddie all day. And I still stand by my whole reasoning that I would regret continuing to work and missing out on her younger years, and that even though it would be a tough time for us financially and for me to give up my career, that I would never regret deciding to stay home. And I am certainly finding that to be true! Even if I go back at a lower level and pay level, it will be worth it.

Read this when you have the chance: http://parentingsquad.com/generation-x-moms-staying-home

The Circle of Love

Each morning after Maddie's first bottle she sits up and I put her over my shoulder. I pat her on the back and try to look her in the eyes, and kiss her and love on her, but she will have nothing to do with me, she is just all about looking at the dog. So I just sit there and stare at her and think how gorgeous and sweet and wonderful she is.

Maddie doesn't have time to give me smiles or allow me to smoother her with kisses. No, she is absolutely head over heels in love with this dog who she just thinks is the best thing since sliced bread. Momma is old news. However, the dog, will not give her the time or day or look at her once.

The dog is staring lovingly and hopefully at me. Won't take his eyes off watching me watch Maddie. He is hoping for just one glance. Will this be the minute I get up and let him outside? Could be, so he is not gonna chance looking once at Maddie.

And there we have The Circle of Love.

The world is a whole new place now...

(I Stole this from Baby Center, but thought it was worth sharing) The ones that really hit home with me where 2, 6, 19, 22, & 24. Enjoy!!

What changes when you have a baby? A better question may be: What doesn't change? Here, writer and mom Rebecca Woolf lists her most notable post-baby observations.

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.

2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.

3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.

4. You respect your body ... finally.

5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.

6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.

7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.

8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.

9. Your heart breaks much more easily.

10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.

11. Every day is a surprise.

12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)

13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.

14. You become a morning person.

15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

16. You discover how much there is to say about one tooth.

17. You finally realize that true joy doesn't come from material wealth.

18. You'd rather buy a plastic tricycle than those shoes that you've been dying to have.

19. You don't mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night."

20. You realize that the 15 pounds you can't seem to get rid of are totally worth having.

21. You discover an inner strength you never thought you had.

22. You no longer rely on a clock — your baby now sets your schedule.

23. You give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feeling' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one.

24. Your dog — who used to be your 'baby' — becomes just a dog.

25. You take the time for one more hug and kiss even if it means you'll be late.

26. You learn that taking a shower is a luxury.

Good Morning Beautiful!

I love mornings when Maddie wakes up. And I am always so excited to hear noise come from her room telling me she is awake. Unless of course it is 2 in the morning and I am in my bed. She slept really good last night. And slept in so late this morning, sleepy head!! ha ha.

Her new thing that I just absolutely love (and no I am NOT talking about toe-sucking) is the touch my face. I love it! It is so endearing. Last night while I was feeding her I was trying to watch The Biggest Loser on Tivo, and she kept putting her hand on my face and turning my face toward her. But other times when she do it, I feel like she is a blind person "Seeing" me for the first time. And I guess in a way she actually is. This is a new sense for her. Purposely being able to touch something to get more familiar with it. The other night she was actually caressing my face with the back of her hand. I don't know that was intentional, but I don't care, I just sucked it up.

Last night as I was laying in bed going to sleep, snuggling with DJ watching The Robinsons, I just felt so at peace and so lucky. He is such a great man, and Maddie is the best thing ever. I just feel really lucky and happy!!

But now, onto something much more serious... a melissaism.... today, I ALMOST came to work in my camo Crocs. YES, I said Camo!! I put them on to take some things out to my car, and kept wearing them around the house! At one point, I do remember saying to myself you better not forget to put your brown boots on! Well, I get maddie all ready in the car seat and head towards the door. As I am going down the stairs I realize it is much easier than it usually is... why? Cause I have my crocs on... GOD, If I had gone to work in those, it would have been like the dreams you had in High School of going to school naked coming true!! I would have been uterly embarrassed.

Ok, that is it today. Off to get some work done!! ;)

Maddies Serenade

This morning I awoke at 1:03 in the morning to my daughter serenading me with coos and babbles from her crib.

It was sweet. I really should have went in and turned her over and given her her paci so that she didn't fully wake up, but I didn't. I sat and listened and enjoyed every 8 minutes of it. Now, if DJ or the dog had woken me up at 1:00 in the morning for any reason, I would have been cursing, and tossing and turning with a huff and a puff. But, no, instead I was cracking up laughing. It was soooo funny. She started out with her happy coos. Got really loud, did some of her sad little coos, and eventually got fussy. Sure enough, she was pretty awake by the time I went in there. Eventually I just pulled her out of the crib and took her to bed with me :) I am just missing her soo much being away from her all day. So, Dr. Sears would be applauding me, and the Babywise Dr, would be shaking his head at me. But I don't care. I cuddled with her and she smiled at me and I got to fall asleep smelling her sweet little baby breath, and life is just wonderful!!

My daughter loves me!!

How do I know??? Well, I just figured it out this evening. When it is just her and I she is sooo sweet, giving me the biggest, cutest smiles I have ever seen. So of course when friends and family come to visit, I want to show her off, I will pull out all the stops to try to get her to do the really BIG smiles and coos and babbles. But No, she never performs like I want her too. I always tell everyone, "No, really, it is sooo cute- you have to see this..." and nothing. I realized tonight as my non-performing daughter was meeting a college friend of mine for the first time, that those smiles and coos and babbles are not meant for anyone else. They are meant only for me and her. Our special time. They are not for Daddy to see, or Grandma or Grandpa, or anyone else. And I have to deal with that. I swear sometimes, we just look in each other's eyes, and slowly this smile creeps on Maddie's face. Then we both kinda laugh. It is like we have this inside joke somewhere, a bond that already only her and I can witness and understand. I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Perspective

I am often on the Baby Center boards. These are very helpful and encouraging to me. Sometimes though, these boards have very sad news. Little ones with illnesses, miscarriages etc. Well today, I read a post from a woman who lost her baby from SIDS on Aug 2nd. How Sad. I grabbed Maddie and held her while reading this post. I cried for this woman, someone I don't even know. I couldn't imagine.

Maddie slept very restlessly last night. I watched her on the video monitor as I was trying to fall asleep. She also woke up at 3:00, 4:00, 5:00 and then 6:00 when I finally fed her. This morning I was feeling tired and curious as to why my baby who was sleeping through the night was suddenly up often through the night. After reading this woman's story on BBC, I felt appreciative that she was waking up every hour.

The love I feel for Maddie is so overwhelming, I couldn't imagine suddenly NOT having her to love. And having her to love me. I know they say that having a baby you get no appreciation for it. So not true. When Maddie and I are snuggling and she talks to me in her sweet coos and gurgles, I feel her love. When I go to get her out of her crib in the morning, and she is so happy and amazed to see me that she smiles from ear to ear, I feel her love. When I am holding her and I feel a sense of warmness on my arm, at first I feel her love, then I realize she just spit up on me!! (Sorry had to throw that in there, it was getting to mushy. But it is also very true! hee hee!)

Pray for this woman that she can find the strength to go on, cause I am not sure all of the prayers in the world could help me to be OK if something of this nature happened to me.

Have a happy Friday and a great weekend!

Madly, Completely, Deeply...

In love that is. With my Daughter. Yes, she is just amazing and I fall more and more in love with her everyday. I knew I would love my baby, but honestly, I didn't know the overwhelming feeling that I would feel everday with her. I feel it when she smiles, when she coos, when she cries, when she bats her eyes and flirts with my Dad. When she gets the biggest smile she ever gives when she sees her Daddy. When she is falling asleep and rubs her eyes, when she is waking up and stretches and grunts. She is just too adorable, and she gives me a reason for being.

For her,

I will be a strong woman
I will follow my dreams, and help her follow hers
I will keep a clean and organized house
I will teach her family values
I will disipline her when needed and be a parent first and a friend last
I am either going to lose weight so I am happy and confident in my skin, or I am going to decide to be happy with my current weight so I exude confidence in myself, and therefore her.
I will teach her the value of a dollar
I will try my darnedest to get her to eat healthy food, and enjoy small amounts of "fun" foods
I will show her how to be a friend to other women, and let other women be her friend
I will show her how to have a fair relationship
I will love her as much or as little as she needs
I will exercise and plan active activities for our family.
I will play with her imaginary friend if she has one cause I know this encourages creativity
I will love her for always, and forget my agenda in order to allow her to grow, and learn things on her own.

These should be easy to do. I had great role models when I grew up who did these and more for me. It has made me who I am today, and for that I am thankful.

On a different note: My thoughts and prayers are with everyone affected by 9-11. I remember the day like it was yesterday, a beautiful Tuesday, so beautiful that I got chills that something so awful could be happening on such a gorgeous day that actually made the day darken. Also, our close friends are having a c-section this morning to bring their second beautiful daughter into this world. What more can you ask for on this day than to bring another wonderful human being into this world!!!

My Sweet, Perfect, Uneventful life

Life with Maddie has been pretty un-eventful lately. Why you ask? Because My daughter is sweet, wonderful, and PERFECT. It's true. She is on a schedule, sleeping through the nights. Sleeping in pretty late even- 8:30 today :). I am keeping the house pretty well picked up, keeping up on laundry, taking walks, and feeling great! NOW, we ALL know that basically I am jinxing myself. This means that tonight Maddie will be up 3 times, and crabby tomorrow. Oh well, hey, at least I will have something to blog about, something to tell people when they ask me how things are. Everyone asks, and you know they don't want to hear that I am getting sleep, feeling great, and doing the laundry. They want the dirt, they want to hear about the unbelievable sleep deprivation, the crying fits etc. So here I sit bragging about my perfect little angel all the while knowing what I am in store for. Like the time I was at the Grocery store. I think Maddie was 7 weeks- or 6, actually 5 I think. Yeah, 5 weeks, we will go with that. Well, it is a Saturday morning and DJ is doing yardwork, and I decided to take my perfect little angel to the store with me. While looking over tomatoes and woman approaches me, probably close to my age and asks how old Maddie is. How funny, her Son is the same age. She proceeds to tell me that she leaves him at home because she is too afraid to venture out with him. She plans to take him out this coming week, but needs her Mom as back-up. I of course assure her that everytime I take Maddie anywhere, she is an angel- never has a breakdown! She is impressed, and well to be honest, I am feeling like SuperMom! After a bit of conversation we both say our good-byes and congratulations and continue with our shopping. Then you know of course we see each other in every aisle. You know how it goes. The first aisle you smile again. The second time, you kinda chuckle about it. The next time you just make eye contact, then after that you turn the other way when you see them coming. Anyhow, each time I see her I feel more and more proud as my little angel sleeps peacefully in her carseat. By the last time, Maddie is actually awake, cooing and smiling. But soon enough enters a little kick in the butt called Humbleness (is that really a word? I am not sure). I get into the checkout line, and let me tell you- the cart is full, and Maddie decides to start to fuss. It gets worse and worse. NO worries, I can handle this. I make a bottle and proceed to feed it to Maddie even when it is my turn to place items on the belt. She is eating the bottle, only fussing when I am not watching and the bottle hangs from the side of her poor mouth with formula dripping all over her! (Oops, hopefully you can forgive me for that one Madster). Soon enough, I have to stop feeding Maddie to enter my Plus card info, and swipe my debit card. Needless to say, Maddie had not had enough formula, and let me know so. As she is screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs, I think to myself. That woman MUST be around here somewhere since we followed each other all through the store. Sure enough, she is at the next register. She of course avoids eye contact at all costs- probably too embarrassed for me to even give me an encouraging smile. I grab my reciept, take my bloody murder screaming, absolutely perfect daughter out of the store as fast as I can!!!

The Best Feeling

Ok, I think the best feeling is when I pick Maddie up, and she is sleepy and she snuggles right into my body. There is no better feeling!

Maddie is sleeping in my arms right now ( yes I have figured out a way to hold her and type- and it is not by using 1 finger) and she totally just let out this big laugh!!! It was the cutest thing ever, it made me laugh, then she laughed some more. Still sleeping. This couldn't be gas, I wonder what she was dreaming about. I hope it was me! I have yet to get her to actually laugh. Maybe it will come soon!!!