When you become a parent, you will soon enough feel your heartbreak a million times over. I am serious. There is nothing big enough in your life to give you the heartbreak you will feel when something good does not happen, or something bad does happen to one of your kids. And I do suspect that there are more to come, and maybe even some heartbreaks that hurt more than the ones I have felt thus far.
There are MANY things that have broken my heart since Maddie has been born. But none as big so far as a dumb bike. That is right... I said- a DUMB BIKE!
Maddie has been infatuated with bikes since I first started training for my 3 day. Which was back in March. As we would go around subdivisions she would point out bikes and even said to me a couple of times "Maddie Bike".
Then fast forward to us going camping with our friends, and their kiddos bringing bikes camping. Maddie would get on their bikes and really none of them fit her very well. For her 2nd birthday I was adament about getting her a bike, but the truth is, I cannot figure out which one is best and well now that we are watching money, I really have some "rules" about the bike she gets. I either want her to be able to ride it for a while, or I want Cameron to be able to ride it next season if she is to outgrow it, and I want to be sure that she can use it right now. So the week of her camping birthday weekend I go to the store and I look at all the bikes. I really have no idea which one to get and we have already plopped down a lot of money for the camping trip. I found one that I thought might be good and it was on sale, so I called DJ to see what he thinks (why I don't know) and he talks me out of it all together. But I wanted so badly for her to get her own bike camping! Her birthday comes and goes and still Maddie does not have a bike and she still continues to be obessed with bikes.
Now fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I clean my Dads house, and I try to walk over there, to help with my training, but this time I decide to ride my bike over there because I was running out of time and had some other things to do- but still wanted the physical exercise. When I get home, I say to my hubby in a joking manner, "HMMM, wonder what I should spend my money on...??? A manicure, a pedicure, maybe a dinner out". As we are sitting on the couch Maddie keeps talking about a bike, and I say I wonder what is making her bring that up. DJ tells me that when I left for my Dads she watched me ride off on my bike, and kept saying "Mommy Bike"! So, I mention that my bike is outside, and somehow Maddie misunderstands and she thinks I told her that WE GOT HER A BIKE OUTSIDE!! (enter heartbreak #1) It was seriously the saddest thing to watch her. She says YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! MYYYYYYYYYY BIKEEEEEEEEEEEE, YEAH!!!!! Clapping hands and getting so excited and wanting to go outside to "Go See My Bike!" I so very sadly tell her NO Maddie, there is no bike out there for you. Then DJ is teasing me, "Guess I know what you are spending your $50 on. Honestly if it would not have been so late, I would have taken her straight to the toy store to pick out her bike. A couple days go by, and I haven't forgotten about the bike, I have saved the $50, but I haven't gone out to get her one again. Then one of my friends post a Facebook Status about how they spoil their Son cause they just bought him a Sand and Water Table for no reason. After reading that I just cannot help it, I think it is ridiculous that my daughter does not have a bike. I mean that is basic, right, it isn't even like I am spoiling her by having a bike, she doesn't even have 1. (enter heartbreak #2 about the fact that we do not have the money to properly spoil our daughter). So the very next day I pack up the kids and take them to Toys R Us to get her a bike. She had a blast in the toy store getting on all the bikes and she even picked herself out a "HAT" (helmet) which I did not tell her she needed...she knew about this all on her own. (so observent aren't they). So I look over EVERY bike, and I cannot figure out which one is best to get. It is hard cause it seems like one is too small, the next size too big. I settled on a big wheel type bike, but they do not have any girly ones, and so I bought a Harley Davidson one- it had a key pad and made sounds and stuff, and she played with it for a while. However, it is in a box, and I am not even sure she knows it is a bike. I feel slighty bad that I did not get her a girly bike with tassles like every girl dreams of. (those were heartbreaks 3 & 4) But I tell myself it is ok cause next year we will get her her girly bike.
I get the bike home and get a BIG no way from the hubby, becuase it is a BOY bike. Which really was my point, so they both can ride it next summer. And besides Girls can ride Harley's. Anyhow, he never puts it together, I get over it because like I said before it was in a box, and I don't even think she realized we bought a bike that day. Then I decide the $50 would better be spent on groceries, so I go out to do errands, and DJ brings out the bike from the garage for me to take back to the store. I pack up my car, and as I leave I say good-bye and I grab the bike in a box. I head for the gate and Maddie starts running following behind me screaming "HEEEYYYYY!!! THAT MYYYYYYY Bike!!! (Enter Heartbreak #5 and the biggest one of all). I had no idea she KNEW that was a bike. Really. I just stood there frozen for a little while, and then, I did the number ONE bad parenting thing..... I TOTALLY put the blame back on my Hubby. Lol. I said "Well we have to take it back to the store cause Daddy says it is a boy bike!"
So, on my way I went, feeling like the suckiest parent ever. I mean, really I know I am not, and I know it is not important for kids to be spoiled with material items. But at the same time you cannot help but to want to give your kids EVERYTHING their little heart desires. Even when you KNOW that it is not always best for them.
(is anyone still reading) Well if you are, I will talk about heartbreak #6...that was tonight. There was a man on a bike riding down the street as I got Maddie out of the car. she noticed him right away and said "Bike" Pointing to him. Then she says "mommy, where MY bike?" I answer "You do not have a bike Maddie." She answers "Yeah, My Bike. M'ere (come here) and she takes me to the side-door of the garage and so I open it for her. She takes me over to where the box with the bike in it sat from the day I bought it till the day I took it back. She stopped put shrugged her shoulders and said "where bike at?" Ok, I get it, she always knew all along that that box was a bike! Why are kids so smart?
