I sit here on the Eve...

...of the one year anniversary of the death of my Mother... and I feel nothing. Well, not nothing really, but nothing bad. Maybe tomorrow will be another story. But I have this feeling that it won't.

There is something funny about mourning the death of a loved one. The good days and the bad days are real big surprises. The days I expect to be the hard ones, are a breeze. Then the real bad, can't stop crying all day long ones just sneak up. No warning, no reason, zip.

Part of me thinks that people have a natural defense mechanism that helps them through the hardest times.... Something that allows them to put up a barrier for those tough times. OR, the way I really like to think about it- is that my Mom is up there in with Him in Heaven sending down waves of energy of love and happiness to me that helps lift up my spirits in the times I need her most. Kinda like the Poem "Foot Prints in the Sand" This was one of my Mom's favorites, and it has been one of mine too. I remember reading it for the first time. It literally gave me chills.

Footprints

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.