Dear Mom,

Went to Danielle's shower at Aunt Shirley's yesterday. Shell and I went for her and you only of course. Aunt Shirley loved seeing Maddie and Cam of course. When I came in she said "Oh, good, if you didn't have the baby I wasn't going to let you come in!" haha. You know our family. They love the babies. It felt good to be around them. To see Aunt Shirley and Aunt Nettie holding Cam. I felt like they were an extension of you. In a way, like you were there holding him. I think I got just as many gifts as Danielle did! lol. And of course both Aunt Shirley and Aunt Nettie got something for Maddie too. Heaven for bid they should give to one and not the other. But, I felt very loved and special. In a way, made up for you not being here, like only your sister could do I guess. But the truth is NOTHING makes up for you not being here.

Why can't you just still be here Mom? It sucks that every week I think "Cam is 3 weeks old this week", and then I follow it up with, and 5 weeks since Mom died. It does not get easier, it gets harder. I cannot believe that you have been gone so long already. Over an entire month. Like when it was 2 weeks since you passed, that was only 2 weeks without you. But now, 5 weeks without you seems just completely unfair. I doubt this probably makes sense to anyone but me.

Dad is becoming Mr Mom and is keeping himself busy by learning how to cook, and keep house. Can you believe it? LOL. He is also being a very good Dad and Papa. I think in everything he does he thinks "What would Pam do, or tell me to do in this situation". So he has really picked up the slack on the things that you would have made sure happens.

I guess we are still going to your house on Halloween. I knew that the holidays would hurt without you being there. BUt I will admit, I had no idea that a dumb holiday like Halloween would make me miss you so much. But we are getting together, and will do things all the same, just without you there. I think Shell is going to make goulash. I really wish I could taste your chili and Nachos again. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get them to taste like yours :(.

Ok, well I could just pretend like you are here and talk and talk and talk forever. So I guess I will just make myself go now.

Missing you more everyday, Love Missy.