Being a Mom

When my Mom passed away it made me realize how important my role of a Mother is.

Ironically enough, since my Mom has passed I have really sucked in the Mom department.

Part of this is because of the addition of my newest little one. I now just have less time to do things with Maddie and a lot more on my plate. Also for poor Cameron, the quality of his care compared to the care Maddie received at his age is much to be desired. The poor kid is often left to cry in his bassinette while I attend to Maddie's needs. What can I say? I am only one person.

The other part is that I have been tense, and easily irritated. I know this has a lot to do with losing my Mom. Suddenly it is hard for me to just handle regular old stress and issues. At one time my life was just complete, and dare I say perfect. Now, there is a big gapping hole in my world, in my being.

In my Mom's final hours and the ones soon after her passing, I had so many memories of my childhood flood to my mind. Basically, it was just a lot of simple, un-fun memories. Suddenly the big events weren't important, but that fact that she was always there for me was. The times we spent together when my big Sister was in school and I was still home. The times like her giving me my medicine and a kiss when I was sick. The fact that when I was sick and laying on the couch, she was sitting on the love seat nearby. The fact that she was home for pretty much every bedtime, bathtime, etc. She was just there. I cannot put into words the appreciation and happiness I felt after her death about being home with Maddie.

I am not always a perfect Mom, and I am sure I never will be. Lucky for me that I realized one other thing from my Mom's passing. Mom's don't have to be perfect, they just have to be.