Big Goat

I had an Uncle- he was my favorite Uncle. Yet, I don't really remember much about him. He died when I was very young. At his work, (I don't know what industry he was in... I told you, I don't remember much about him) his machine jammed, he opened it up to figure out what was wrong, and the tiniest, sharpest piece of metal flew out of the machine, and right into his heart. They say he died instantly and felt nothing.

The funny thing is, I don't remember much about him, yet when my parents bring him up, or I think of him for some reason, I get this warm and fuzzy feeling and I call him my favorite Uncle. I remember the feelings of excitement when he would come down from the UP for a visit. I know that he called me Little Goat and I called him Big Goat. But I am not sure if I know that because I remember that or because my parents told me the story a bazillion times. I know he made us shirts, a bright orange shirt with the words Little Goat sprawled across my shirt in brown fuzzy letters and Big Goat across his in the same letters. I remember this shirt because I have seen pictures of myself posing proudly in it.

But what I don't remember is why I get those fuzzy feelings when I think about him. Or why I felt SOO much excitement when he was coming down to visit. From the stories my family tells, he was just an all around good man. He was the funy guy in our family, the brother everyone wanted to be around. As my Mom put it when he passed, God needed a funny guy to brighten up things in Heaven and that is why he took my Uncle That day.

My Mom passed away last Tuesday.

Maddie won't remember her. I will tell her all about her, but anything Maddie remembers will be as it was heard from me. This makes me beyond sad. Because the truth is, my Mom and Maddie were best buds! From the time Maddie was 4 months old, Grandma Pam made Maddie laugh! She was the only one who could get that hearty baby laugh that makes even the grumpiest of old men crack a smile! As Maddie turned from baby to toddler, she got super excited everytime we saw Grandma Pam. As we would pull up in the driveway to my Mom's house, she would wait, with this gleam in her eye. (I wish I had gotten that gleam on video). She would wait and wait, until Grandma Pam appeared in the doorway and then, Oh, BOY! She screamed and squealed in delight. And she quickly pulled her arm out of the belt of the car seat, like Mom, I gotta go see her NOW! It all made me quite happy then. It is great to see your daugheter so happy, and to see your Mom just as happy. To be honest, I have not seen such a happy gleam in Maddie's eyes since. I wish I could see it just one more time, just as I wish my Mom was still here.

I know, Maddie won't remember my Mom from her own memories... but I am wondering and hoping that when she thinks of my Mom, she gets a happy and fuzzy feeling. I hope my Mom is Maddie's "Big Goat".