Love and Laughter Equals Happiness

This blog is no longer active

2010-10-02T15:32:00.003-04:00

You can come check out my new blog over at www.melissabufford.com

Thank you! I look forward to connecting with you again! :)

The Family "Guide"

2009-11-03T20:29:00.001-05:00

So I created a Schedule for our family. I am actually calling it a guide. This is because I am not so ignorant to believe that this will be followed like a true schedule. I mean, I do have a 2 and a half year old and a 12 month old. I mean, shit happens (pun intended). :)

But really, I have been thinking about this,and the truth is, if I did work a full time job outside the house, we would have to have a schedule. I think over scheduling can be a bad thing for kids, but I have included plenty of free time in the guide to be sure that we can catch up on things we may not get to. Or times where we may go outside of the house, or we might stay in. Depending on our moods, the weather, etc. I am excited about this, and surprisingly enough when I talked to DJ about doing something like this, he actually agreed it would be good. :) We will see how much he really likes this guide however.

This also has set (earlier) bed times for the kiddos. I am starting to see how important this is, because the truth of the matter is, no matter how much Maddie does not want to go to bed when it is time... she is SOOO much happier of a kid when she does go down early rather than later. AND, I can surely see a difference in mental happiness for myself :) And, as much as I would love to play the part of "being all about my kid" a happy Mom really truly equals a happy husband and family!

Even after dinner, the thought ran through my mind of leaving the after dinner mess go till tomorrow. BUT, it is not in the schedule- so if I do leave it go till then, it will just throw the day off. So, I cleaned up tonight. Again, if I worked outside of the home, I would do things NOW, I wouldn't put off. So, I am going to be running this house like a tight ship. More for myself than anyone else...but I truly know that it will make for a happier family overall.

Oh Geez!

2009-11-02T22:28:00.000-05:00

When I decided to do NaBloPoMo, it was with the idea that I would actually write some interesting blogs. So decent, reading worthy blogs. But here it is 10:25 and I am beat. And that means no creativity. So this will be a boring blog. And I probably cannot promise that it will be my last boring blog.

Tonight I went to see a business coach. It was free because of the Mommy and Me Networking group I belong to. It was awesome! Tomorrow, it is on my plan to sit down and really go over the things I learned, and implement them. I also have a lot of calls to make tomorrow. It will be a busy day. And then tomorrow night comes Biggest Loser. WAHU! I LOVE BL.

I promise to do my best to get some pictures up in the near future, and to blog about our awesome weekend. But for now, of to bed I go.

It's HEEEERRRRREEEE!

2009-11-01T20:30:00.000-05:00

What you ask? NABLOPOMO!

I am super excited. I know, I am a dork. It is a challenge for bloggers to post EVERY Day! And it begins today the first of November. I did it last year, and I really enjoyed it and at the end I felt a bit like I had finished some therapy sessions or something. :)

This weekend was a very fun. busy, exhausting weekend. I am very happy for the extra hour we got today. And I actually got to enjoy it as the kids stayed the night at Nanny and Papas. However, I probably will lose any benefit to that extra hour of sleep tomorrow, because today was so exhausting for Maddie that she went to bed at 5:30! So... I am planning to be up at 3 tomorrow. lol.

Well, I am feeling a little lazy, but my intent was to post pictures of the weekend for this blog. So I might go downstairs and post them in a bit. But I wanted to get this blog out there to start off the NaBloPoMo fun right away!

I'm No English Major

2009-10-27T22:40:00.002-04:00

Although my husband might say differently. I graduated class of '99 with a BS in Journalism with a concentration in Advertising. Even so, everytime I mis-pronounce something, or say something incorrectly, my hubby loves to call me out for the error and try to shame me since I was an "English Major". Just one of those annoy hubby things ya know.

I often times DO suck at speaking, or spelling. So I REALLY REALLY try not to judge! Most of the time I know right from wrong, sometimes I just choose to go against the grain and "not care" for a conversation, or a blog. But the truth of the matter is...blatent spelling errors, or improper language DRIVES ME NUTS! I really do try not to judge, but I cannot help it.

Maybe I cannot help it because even though I was not an "English Major"... much to my husband's disappointment- It was VERY important in my journalism classes not to make spelling errors. For the most part, I could get away with improper use of the language as an excuse for "creative writing" or something to that affect. (or is it effect?!?) I took a class, where ANY mispelling or inaccurate information would get you a completely failing grade. SOO, they used to make these crazy assignments that you had to write up with really hard details and information to get the point across of how important it was to make sure you had accurate information in your published stories. So they would give you quotes from people with the last name Zeliienskieuskie and if you got the spelling of that last name wrong by just one letter... FAIL! I am so not kidding.

So imagine tonight, my Dad hands me a cookbook that he had bought my Mom and the cover reads "Charleston Receipts" I kept reading it and re-reading it, and finally I said "Gosh, I keep thinking that says receipts." Oh, cause IT DOES!" On a PUBLISHED Cookbook! I mean, honestly WHO let that get published. On both the front of the book, AND the spine! (oh, and the inside cover too) IT is such a blatent error, that IT MUST be ignorance, not error. And, it REALLY REALLY bugs me! So much that I still am thinking about it almost 3 hours later. I mean, really, if I had tried to submit this in college, I think my teacher would have not just failed me for that assignment... he would have failed me for the entire CLASS. Really. I cannot imagine if that is on the cover of the book, what other spelling and vocabulary errors lie inside. Part of me cannot wait to read through it, and part of me is worried it will burn a hole in my brain, if I do.

I am sure some professional copy editor could go through my post and find plenty of errors. AND, we will not even go into my writing style... which I totally got called out on in a group critique in an English class for being "too wordy" to which the prof came to my rescue and stated how although that style is not for everyone, is probably a good style for me, being an Advertising Major... so take THAT DJ. ha ha.

Well, now that I have that off my chest, I can get back to resting with my hubby and watching me some "Sons Of Anarchy".

G'night Y'all

P.S. I am so excited to say that I am going to do NoBloPoMo again this November. So excited to get my blogging on! Any bloggers want to join me? Let me know if you do and I will get you the details on how to get signed up. You can win prizes!!!

Cams 1st Birthday in Pics

2009-10-12T11:25:00.000-04:00

Oh man, I got saved...

2009-10-12T10:58:00.001-04:00

I posted a blog a couple days ago about not having any one to come and rescue me when I need a break from the kiddos. I guess you put things out into the universe and you get what you ask for.

On Saturday morning about 11AM, Nanny unexpectedly showed up and took the kids for the day...well actually the night! SO, we had all day and night Saturday and Sunday morn to get ready for Cam's party and have some fun. :) Saturday we did get soooo much done. Saturday night we went to dinner at Sandy's for .50 coneys! Then we had a fire in the backyard as it was a perfect night for it! Then Sunday again, it was so unbelievably nice to be able to just run off and go do some errands and continue to get ready for the party, sans kids! :) It was a great surprise, and just something I really needed at the time. I was able to do some catch up on other things I have been meaning to do as well!

Oh, and to boot, Nanny took the kiddos out to get outfits for the party, which took away a very large to- do on my list! :) Isn't she awesome!

In my blog post, ( i removed that post for personal reasons) I mentioned how my Mom was just not the type of person who would come and rescue like that even if she was still alive and healthy. I mentioned that she would have told me SHE never had someone to come and rescue her when things got tough. By the end of the blog, I had pretty much went from poor me, to WOW, it is almost like my Mom is here talking to me. So amazing how even though she is not here, I know well enough what she would say to me, if I called to vent to her. It made me feel good about things again. And it really made me think and feel comforted about how well I know her, and how good our relationship was like that.

WELL!!! My point was really proven yesterday! The party started at 2:00 and one of my Aunts (mom's sister) got there right on time, if not a bit early. Nanny brought the kids home after 2:00, so everyone was asking where are the kids. And my Aunt, who we could use the excuse is almost 80, so she can be blunt, although she was really always overly blunt even when she didn't have being an old bag as an excuse ;) Was loudly saying "Where are the kids? I came here to see kids Damn-it!" And I had already told her what had happened. DJs friend Stephan nicely repeated. "Susie came and got the kids on Saturday morning so that they could get ready for the party without kids." And next my Aunt says "HMPH! I NEVER had anyone to do that for me!!!!" Which is basically exactly the wording I used in my blog that my Mom would have said to me if she was here to hear me complain!!! OMG, I just about died laughing. My Aunt said, "I would have just told them to get their asses outside!" Which is something that you just cannot do now-a-days. I have a corner lot. I am not sending my 2 year old out there to play alone!

Times really have changed. The way we raise our kids and I think family structure is so different. Parents are more involved in their children's lives, as are grandparents.

Anyhow, I got a big laugh and more reassurance that I do know best what Mom would say. AND, maybe my Mom did all of the child rearing on her own, but I do not feel guilty, or bad for a minute that I got rescued on Saturday. I am very thankful that I did!

Pulled Pork Recipe

2009-10-12T10:36:00.001-04:00

I made this Pulled Pork Recipe for Cam's birthday party yesterday, and everyone was commenting that it was the best pulled pork they have had. I just researched the recipe online. It was by one of the women's magazines. I cannot remember which one. I would give proper credit if I could.

Here is the recipe I used.

3 Med Onions
1 1/2 C Ketchup
1 C Cider Vinegar
3/4 C packed brown sugar
3/4 C tomato paste
6 TBSP sweet paparika
6 TBSP worcestershire
6 TBSP yellow mustard
4 1/2 tsp salt
3 3/4 tsp pepper
12 pounds of Pork Butt/Shoulder

Stir Onion, Ketchup, Vinegar, Brown Sugar, tomato paste, paprika, worcestershire, mustard, salt, pepper until combined in slow cooker. Add pork to sauce and turn to coat well.

Cook 8-10 hours (or as directed)

Transfer to bowl. Turn slow cooker on high, cover and heat sauce to boil to thicken & reduce slightly. With 2 forks pull pork into shreds. Return pork to slow cooker and toss to combine. Heat through if necessary.

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Boy!

2009-10-08T07:45:00.001-04:00

WOW! I cannot believe a year has gone by.
I remember this time last year-
being amazed at how much nicer of a hospital Beaumont was...in ALL ways.
being amazed at how much quicker and easier my c-section went this time
puking during the c-section because of the meds.. eeeww, I know.
being so happy that I was able to breathe and not feeling the way I did the first time
at the last minute changing my mind about watching him being pulled out. I told them NO, no way did I want to see it. Then I am sitting there waiting, and I think about the fact that this would be my last chance, and that I cannot wait ANOTHER second to see what he looks like!
I remember feeling so at Peace during this time and my hospital stay. I only cried once during my entire stay there about my Mom. It was the last night, and I think it was the going back to face reality part that made me feel sad about her.
I remember feeling like a complete family. There is just something about having two that does that too you.

Well, Here is a year in review of Cameron :

Mister Cam is such a BIG BIG Boy! He is sassy, and funny, and oohhh sooo lovey! He was such a savior for my family at this time last year.

He already fights with his sister, and knows exactly what he wants, and how to cry and pout to get it.

He is SOOOO Close to walking, I really cannot believe he has not take off yet. Just yesterday he has even become more brave about taking steps.

He does this super cute little smaking noise with his mouth. The noise is cute, and the way his lips pucker, oh my gosh! Makes me want to eat him up right now just thinking about it.

He pulls hair, and is good at it. He always gets a tight grip, and usually wraps it around so you hardly have a chance at prying his fingers off.

When he hears someone say Ya, he claps his little hands and gets a big smile.

He jams. This has to be the funniest thing. He has this little too cool guy jam he does when he hears music. I HAVE to get this on video. His face is just too cute. He looks around like "what, what, I am badass"

Bottom line: HE LIGHTS UP MY WORLD!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-07T13:11:00.001-04:00

What I wish for my daughter...

2009-10-07T08:42:00.001-04:00

That she moves off to NYC when she gets older and lives out her dreams and is not scared to do so.

OK, I don't really care if she moves to NYC...that was MY dream. But just that she goes wherever it is that she wants to go and isn't too scared to do whatever that is.

I was scared. Of failing, of a big move, of leaving my family, and well, I was dating this guy...who I was in love with since I was 19. I remember 3 months after dating him, it hit me. Not like a giddy young girl, type thing. But more matter-of-fact... I can remember being in his truck outside my parents house. We were just sitting there, I think I kinda had my head in his lap, and suddenly I was like holy crap, I am going to marry him- he is going to be my husband one day. And 8 years later- I did.

I don't regret marrying him, or having my kids, or anything in my life. Regrets are dumb. However, I do still kinda wonder what if I had just gone off after college like I always wanted to do. I had a Prof in college who said, if you can go to NYC and make it in the Ad World, you can go anywhere. Well, things just fell into place for me and I had an offer 4 days after I graduated. It may not have been NYC, but it was one of the biggest and best Ad agencies here in Detroit. And I had so much fun, and learned a lot, and made great connections.

But I still can't help to wonder.... "what IF".

I plan to teach Maddie not to have regrets for the things she has done in her past. I just hope that I can teach her to live her dreams and not be scared. And I am not so sure that I am the proper teacher for this as I haven't been able to do this myself.

(P.S. if you are wondering what in the world made this post come up... I was just on FB looking at pics of my old childhood friend who just went to visit his sister who is going to college in NYC)

Three Shocking Facts About the Air in Your Home

2009-10-06T20:52:00.001-04:00

I found this story on the Healthy Child Healthy World Blog.

Visit this BLOG for lots of good reads.

Converting your home to healthy safer products is a really good first step in creating a safer environment for our children and pets.

Be sure to visit http://www.healthforyourfamily.org/ to get more information on products that are safer for your family, the environment, and lighter on your pocket book!

Three Shocking Facts About the Air in Your Home

Christopher Gavigan

We breathe more than we eat. We breathe more than we drink. We are breathing all the time, but how often do you stop to think about what exactly you are breathing? Probably a lot more than how often you consider what else you're putting in your body. Yet, it's no less important, especially for young children who breathe faster than adults – inhaling 50% more air per pound of body weight.

Air pollution is obvious when you're caught in a plume of fumes from a diesel truck or when the wind blows smoke in your face from a camp fire or grill, but even when you can't see the air, it can still be heavily contaminated. Even more importantly, the worst air is generally inside, where most people spend roughly 90% of their time.

Here are three shocking facts that will hopefully give you pause to stop and consider every breath you take.

1. The indoor air in the typical American home contains over 500 chemicals. According to a study published in April 2009:

* 586 individual chemicals were identified in the air of 52 homes. The pesticides diazinon and chlorpyrifos were found in the greatest amounts and both were found in all of the homes tested.

* Twenty-seven different organochlorine pesticides were detected. p,p'-DDE, a breakdown product of the now banned pesticide DDT, was detected in more than 90 percent of homes.

* Amounts of PCBs were generally low but were found in more than half the houses. They were detected in 56 percent of the 52 homes studied.

* Phthalate chemicals were found at very large concentrations in indoor air.

Researchers were not able to identify at least 120 of the chemicals. I repeat, researchers were not able to identify at least 120 of the chemicals! (Sorry for the repetition, it's just stunning to me that our regulatory system is so flawed that experienced scientists are unable to identify so many chemicals that we are likely exposed to from common household products every day.) Many of these unidentified chemicals had structures similar to fragrance compounds. Fragrances made up the major chemical component of the collected chemicals.

2. The breathing zone of a baby (less than 2 feet above ground) can be more contaminated than an adults (4-6 feet) because many contaminants weigh more than air (mercury, pesticides, etc). For example, in one study, the pesticide Chlorpyrifos was found to be nearly four times more concentrated at about 5-10 inches from the floor compared with the air 2 feet or more above the floor in a room with a window open for ventilation.

3. Even though indoor air is typically 2-5 times more polluted than outdoor and we spend about 90% of our time indoors, there have been few studies documenting the health effects of indoor air and there are no regulations as there are for outdoor air or even workplace air. According to an article in the San Francisco Gate: "The U.S. General Accounting Office has called indoor air pollution "one of the most serious environmental risks to human health," yet no agency has authority to control pollutants in indoor air." There are a variety of regulations aimed at limiting outdoor air pollution – and granted, it would be difficult to impossible to have the same types of rules in place for the average home, but at the very least, there could be regulations regarding how many VOCs a product can emit.

No two homes have exactly the same air quality issues and there's no way to eliminate them all, but you can do many things to reduce your exposure to the worst culprits. Check out the ABCs of Healthier Indoor Air to get started today.

Scrapping Weekend

2009-09-28T09:26:00.000-04:00

This weekend one of my friends hosted a little girls scrap weekend at her house. I went Friday night and then stayed through late Saturday. It was fun, but amazingly I didn't get as much scrapping done as one would think.

My friends also helped me make invitations for Cameron's 1st Birthday Party. Those to come later after everyone has theirs. So I guess that is not too bad for also handmaking birthday invites.

Here are some of my favorite pages from the weekend.

PICTURES!!!!!

2009-09-24T14:01:00.001-04:00

Here are some overdue pictures Dear Blog Readers.

BIG Boy! Cam standing in the living room. I was trying to get a "cool" pic of him with the sunglasses on. Look how tall he is!

Maddie yelling at me. For what, I do not remember. She is a Camera ham!

Burfday Suit! :)

Who wants to eat him up first??? I DO, I DO! Check out his snarle tooth!

My Mom's Euology

2009-09-23T18:00:00.024-04:00

I want to start off by thanking you all for being here today, and all your support over the past few days. It really means a lot to my family and I.

Please bear with me as I try to get through this- my heart really hurts to have to be here giving this Euology.

My Mom was the youngest of 14 children. But you would never guess she was the baby of the family as she could certainly hold her own with all of her older siblings.
She graduated from High School in 1964 and began working for Police Headquarters downtown. She married my father in May of 1968 after 5 years of dating. In 1970 Mom left Police Headquarters to become a "Domestic Engineer" as she liked to call it. Mom just told me a week before she went into the hospital that if she could do it all over again, she would marry the same man & do it all the same. It made me feel very good to know she had no big regrets in her life.

My Mom had so many wonderful qualities...but I will only speak to a few here.

My Mom was a very compassionate person who was liked by all. Whether they knew her well or only as an aquaintance. All of my friends thought my Mom was great. From my childhood friends who thought she was so awesome cause she played Nintendo...( I just thought it was normal that my Mom could kick my butt at Super Mario) and all my adult friends who would meet her and instantly feel a bond with her. I cannot tell you how many times after friends would meet her at one of my gathersing, they would call or email me to say how much they enjoyed talking to her and how sweet she was & how special she made them feel. I know I can speak for my sister and say her friends also felt the same.
Also, every year at our Family Reunions my sister and I hear how special my Mom is to all of our cousins & they all give the same reasons, because she was so caring, non-judging, & loving.

My Mom taught me her next best quality, Selflessness and Kindness in many ways. But one that sticks out in my head is how she ALWAYS made sure to visit my Grandmother each night while she was in the nursing home. Even during the cold months when my Dad had to work late, she would bundle us up and we would walk to the nursing home. She never missed a night... no matter the reason.

But lastly...Moms best quality was being the "Ultimate Grandma". I know all Grandmas are awesome, but I have to say she really took the cake on this one! She LOVED her Grandkids, nothing made her happier. She treated them all the same, loved them all the same, Whether you were her first born granchild, 3rd, or even still unborn, she loved them all equally and compassionately. To her every little accomplishment was a HUGE one!

However, my Mom was sick and her illness was quite a frustrating one. Mostly for her, but also for us. Many times I would get frustrated for the things her illness caused her to miss out on. I would worry about the quality of my memories with her. I wanted them to be fun and exciting. With my Dad most of my memories consisted of fun things like turning up the radio to jam out to Chuck Berry's "Johnny B Good". But memories with my Mom seemed simple, boring in comparison to those with my Dad, and I longed so much to make some memories of say, us walking around the Zoo, or maybe some other exciting trips here or there. But her body wouldn't let her.

Things in my life have changed recently with the birth of my own daughter, and then this past week in the hospital with her, a sad realization slowly crept into my head that she was more than likely not making it out this time. Something odd happened. MY life with my Mom flashed in front of my eyes that week. So many memories came to me that I had forgotten about & those memories that for so long had seemed simple and boring, suddenly became comforting, enough.
The fact is, boring as it might have seemed, my Mom was ALWAYS THERE. That is a comforting feeling that makes me who I am today. The Mother I am to Maddie & will be to Cameron. Memories like sitting with my Mom in the kitchen eating Chicken Noodle Soup with buttered Saltine Crackers, that once seemed boring...now it feels exciting and again, comforting. And nothing brings a smile to my face more than sharing a time like that with Maddie, teaching HER how to dip HER cracker into the bowl, like my Mom did with me. It makes me feel complete as an adult, and happy to be the kind of Mom to Maddie that my Mom was to me. Another simple memory that came flooding back into my head is the feeling of her dressing me, and how she would wiggle me around to pull my pants up. Sounds dumb, I know, ut I now think of & feel my Mom's hands on me again every time I dress Maddie. Who needs exciting, adventurous memories... certainly not me.

For the past month or so, I guess my Mom was having dreams of her dead siblings, and Mother. And they actually told her they were coming for her. She asked them to hold on, but when it's your time, it is your time. I didn't know about those dreams until after she went into the hospital. She probably didn't want me to know because she knew how seriously I too those types of things, and she didn't want me worrying in my condition- and I would have. All I know is that I am soo comforted by the fact that I know she was greeted in Heaven by her Brothers and Sisters, and my Grandma. I know she is happy and content right now being where she is.

All I have left is a Poem I would like to read called "Rest in Peace"

Rest in Peace

You are not forgotten loved one
Nor will you ever be
As long as life and memory last
we will remember thee

We miss you now, our hearts are sore
As time goes by, we miss you more
Your loving smile, your gentle face
No one can fill your vacant place.

I sit here on the Eve...

2009-09-22T21:50:00.000-04:00

...of the one year anniversary of the death of my Mother... and I feel nothing. Well, not nothing really, but nothing bad. Maybe tomorrow will be another story. But I have this feeling that it won't.

There is something funny about mourning the death of a loved one. The good days and the bad days are real big surprises. The days I expect to be the hard ones, are a breeze. Then the real bad, can't stop crying all day long ones just sneak up. No warning, no reason, zip.

Part of me thinks that people have a natural defense mechanism that helps them through the hardest times.... Something that allows them to put up a barrier for those tough times. OR, the way I really like to think about it- is that my Mom is up there in with Him in Heaven sending down waves of energy of love and happiness to me that helps lift up my spirits in the times I need her most. Kinda like the Poem "Foot Prints in the Sand" This was one of my Mom's favorites, and it has been one of mine too. I remember reading it for the first time. It literally gave me chills.

Footprints

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

Guess What??!!

2009-09-22T12:59:00.000-04:00

It's Fall. I LOVE fall! AND guess what that means??? That means many more blog updates from me. Infact, I plan to participate in the NaBloPoMo again this November, and in general, I do plan to update my blog regularly. I gotta get in practice for NaBloPoMo. :)

Till we meet again Dear Blog Readers!

Summer Time Fun

2009-08-09T10:29:00.005-04:00

I just included this one cause isn't he just soo handsome? This is actually his "worried" face. Daddy was deflating the air-matress and he was worried. lol.

Life is SO fun, especially with Pancakes (cam's first pancake...chock full of mashed bananas :))

Fun with Cousins!

Mustard: everyones favorite condiment.

Taking Mister Penguin for a walk.

Trampoline fun with CJ

Fun on the Trampoline

Water Balloon Fight @ the Hartwig Family Reunion

Water Balloon Fight @ the Hartwig Family Reunion

Dora Bike, a loaner from our friends Mindy and Rick. Gotta love good friends.

Dora Bike, a loaner from our friends Mindy and Rick. Gotta love good friends.

She came outside like this! Put the boots on herself, and only had a pull up on. It reminds me of the Govenor in StripTease. Lol.

The Bike & The Heartbreaks

2009-07-28T19:20:00.007-04:00

When you become a parent, you will soon enough feel your heartbreak a million times over. I am serious. There is nothing big enough in your life to give you the heartbreak you will feel when something good does not happen, or something bad does happen to one of your kids. And I do suspect that there are more to come, and maybe even some heartbreaks that hurt more than the ones I have felt thus far.

There are MANY things that have broken my heart since Maddie has been born. But none as big so far as a dumb bike. That is right... I said- a DUMB BIKE!

Maddie has been infatuated with bikes since I first started training for my 3 day. Which was back in March. As we would go around subdivisions she would point out bikes and even said to me a couple of times "Maddie Bike".

Then fast forward to us going camping with our friends, and their kiddos bringing bikes camping. Maddie would get on their bikes and really none of them fit her very well. For her 2nd birthday I was adament about getting her a bike, but the truth is, I cannot figure out which one is best and well now that we are watching money, I really have some "rules" about the bike she gets. I either want her to be able to ride it for a while, or I want Cameron to be able to ride it next season if she is to outgrow it, and I want to be sure that she can use it right now. So the week of her camping birthday weekend I go to the store and I look at all the bikes. I really have no idea which one to get and we have already plopped down a lot of money for the camping trip. I found one that I thought might be good and it was on sale, so I called DJ to see what he thinks (why I don't know) and he talks me out of it all together. But I wanted so badly for her to get her own bike camping! Her birthday comes and goes and still Maddie does not have a bike and she still continues to be obessed with bikes.

Now fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I clean my Dads house, and I try to walk over there, to help with my training, but this time I decide to ride my bike over there because I was running out of time and had some other things to do- but still wanted the physical exercise. When I get home, I say to my hubby in a joking manner, "HMMM, wonder what I should spend my money on...??? A manicure, a pedicure, maybe a dinner out". As we are sitting on the couch Maddie keeps talking about a bike, and I say I wonder what is making her bring that up. DJ tells me that when I left for my Dads she watched me ride off on my bike, and kept saying "Mommy Bike"! So, I mention that my bike is outside, and somehow Maddie misunderstands and she thinks I told her that WE GOT HER A BIKE OUTSIDE!! (enter heartbreak #1) It was seriously the saddest thing to watch her. She says YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! MYYYYYYYYYY BIKEEEEEEEEEEEE, YEAH!!!!! Clapping hands and getting so excited and wanting to go outside to "Go See My Bike!" I so very sadly tell her NO Maddie, there is no bike out there for you. Then DJ is teasing me, "Guess I know what you are spending your $50 on. Honestly if it would not have been so late, I would have taken her straight to the toy store to pick out her bike. A couple days go by, and I haven't forgotten about the bike, I have saved the $50, but I haven't gone out to get her one again. Then one of my friends post a Facebook Status about how they spoil their Son cause they just bought him a Sand and Water Table for no reason. After reading that I just cannot help it, I think it is ridiculous that my daughter does not have a bike. I mean that is basic, right, it isn't even like I am spoiling her by having a bike, she doesn't even have 1. (enter heartbreak #2 about the fact that we do not have the money to properly spoil our daughter). So the very next day I pack up the kids and take them to Toys R Us to get her a bike. She had a blast in the toy store getting on all the bikes and she even picked herself out a "HAT" (helmet) which I did not tell her she needed...she knew about this all on her own. (so observent aren't they). So I look over EVERY bike, and I cannot figure out which one is best to get. It is hard cause it seems like one is too small, the next size too big. I settled on a big wheel type bike, but they do not have any girly ones, and so I bought a Harley Davidson one- it had a key pad and made sounds and stuff, and she played with it for a while. However, it is in a box, and I am not even sure she knows it is a bike. I feel slighty bad that I did not get her a girly bike with tassles like every girl dreams of. (those were heartbreaks 3 & 4) But I tell myself it is ok cause next year we will get her her girly bike.

I get the bike home and get a BIG no way from the hubby, becuase it is a BOY bike. Which really was my point, so they both can ride it next summer. And besides Girls can ride Harley's. Anyhow, he never puts it together, I get over it because like I said before it was in a box, and I don't even think she realized we bought a bike that day. Then I decide the $50 would better be spent on groceries, so I go out to do errands, and DJ brings out the bike from the garage for me to take back to the store. I pack up my car, and as I leave I say good-bye and I grab the bike in a box. I head for the gate and Maddie starts running following behind me screaming "HEEEYYYYY!!! THAT MYYYYYYY Bike!!! (Enter Heartbreak #5 and the biggest one of all). I had no idea she KNEW that was a bike. Really. I just stood there frozen for a little while, and then, I did the number ONE bad parenting thing..... I TOTALLY put the blame back on my Hubby. Lol. I said "Well we have to take it back to the store cause Daddy says it is a boy bike!"

So, on my way I went, feeling like the suckiest parent ever. I mean, really I know I am not, and I know it is not important for kids to be spoiled with material items. But at the same time you cannot help but to want to give your kids EVERYTHING their little heart desires. Even when you KNOW that it is not always best for them.

(is anyone still reading) Well if you are, I will talk about heartbreak #6...that was tonight. There was a man on a bike riding down the street as I got Maddie out of the car. she noticed him right away and said "Bike" Pointing to him. Then she says "mommy, where MY bike?" I answer "You do not have a bike Maddie." She answers "Yeah, My Bike. M'ere (come here) and she takes me to the side-door of the garage and so I open it for her. She takes me over to where the box with the bike in it sat from the day I bought it till the day I took it back. She stopped put shrugged her shoulders and said "where bike at?" Ok, I get it, she always knew all along that that box was a bike! Why are kids so smart?

I saw my Mom

2009-07-11T14:56:00.002-04:00

in my dreams last night. Or I think it was actually earlier this morning.

I was pulling out of my dad's drive-way and on my way out I saw a bright light flash in the window of the door. I just knew it was my Mom and I should look. So I looked into his big window, and sure enough, over she walked to the couch. I could see her bright white hair pulled back into the usual style. She sat down on the couch. I was in my car but my hand started frantically waving and I was yelling so loud "MOMM, MOMM, it's me, I am hear, I see you!" She had a smile on her face but I knew she couldn't see me or didn't hear me yelling to her. Then she changed to an older version of herself when she was on predizone and was heavy and super puffy. Then she was gone. It was so sad. I just wanted her to know I saw her, and I just wanted to go talk to her for just a minute! But she was gone! Now all day I can't stop thinking about her and just how much I miss her. How much I wish I could just see her ONE MORE TIME. It's been almost 10 months. Holy crap that is a long time not to see or talk to your Mom.

Anyhow, I need to start blogging more. Cameron is so cute and I need to get his antics on video and stuff more. He is already pulling himself up. I looked back and Maddie had not done that until she was 11 months old! Wow. I will be back more often, I promise. WIth more pics and videos!

Maddie's TWO!

2009-07-03T20:28:00.007-04:00

Wow, where did the time fly. My baby turned two last Sunday. We went camping with our family and closest friends and had a great time!

This post is a bit late, but I have to venture downstairs to the desktop to load my pics, and then venture down again, to upload them from computer to blogger.

So here goes. Maddie is a mess, but hey it was HOT and we were camping. I had brought a dress for her to wear, but it never made it on her!

The Cake

Goodie Bags

Aunt Becky and Cam...the kid ALWAYS has a grouchy look on his face. But I think it is adorable. Since he is my baby boy. There is Aunt Shell on the side and Ken and Danny in the back!

Maddie- the best picture I could get of her smiling cause it was so sunny she was squinting in all the others.

I was so surprised that she blew the candles out all on her own! I know, I shouldn't be. But it was cute!

Maddie had no problem figuring out how to get presents un-wrapped this year.
And YES that is Christmas paper... lol. Then night before we let her open one gift from one of her friends. Who got her a princess outfit. It was so hilarious Maddie walking around in the grass camping with high heel princess shoes on. And you could tell she thought she was SOO cool! lol.

Just One Tear

2009-07-03T00:00:00.005-04:00

I still cry everyday for my Mom. Everyday. It is really just a matter of how long I cry or how hard I cry. That is the only thing that is different each day. It is not like I am sad all day everyday or anything. And infact somedays it is a happy cry. I try to stay busy and fill my life with fun and happiness, and children and family and friends. And it helps. But I really cannot get away from the sadness and the loss I feel each day when I am alone. I cry when I sit on the toilet, when I am driving in the car, I cry when DJ takes the kids outside and I am in the house all alone for one minute or two. And sometimes, as tired as can be, when I lay my head down assuming I will fall right to sleep, I just start crying. (like tonight)

It has been a rough past few months with Mother's Day, What would have been My Parents 41st Anniversary on May 17th, and then My Moms Birthday on the 13th of June and Maddies on the 28th. However, on Maddies birthday I got so very sad and overwhelmed as I laid with her in the camper to go to sleep for the night...so sad I was for the fact of all I am missing, Maddie is missing, My Mom is missing. For the fact that Maddie is two years old and my Mom was not there to see it. The fact that where Maddies cousins had 10+ years with my Mom as their Grandma, she had 15 months. That she is missing out on all they had those 10+ years with her. As sad as I was that night though. I only let one, small, hot, tear fall down my face. I wiped it away and left my sleeping beauty in the camper, and asked my Mom to come and spend time with Maddie the only way she can- in her dreams.

Cam Cuts First Tooth!

2009-06-20T00:15:00.005-04:00

Cam woke up when I got home from my scrapbooking night with the girls. He had been sooo whiny all yesterday and did not sleep well all day. Very unlike him. Then today he did not sleep well in the morning but took a long afternoon nap. Then when he woke up later tonight I thought...hmm... wonder if there are any teeth yet. Felt his bottom gums and sure enough, there is a sharp little bugger poking out at me. I can't really tell which ones it is. I know it is one of the middle ones, but it is SO very in the middle that I am not sure. It doesn't help that he won't let me feel it well, and certainly will not work with me to let me LOOK at it!

ooohhhh, my baby boy cut a tooth! No more gummy yummy smiles! boo hoo! Next thing you know he will be walking. ;) OH, and he has become quite the crawler lately. He now crawls army style and also up on his knees. He is fast and very mobile.

I did promise that I would never say anything, but I can't help it, the world should know. He is a SUPER DUPER lover boy. He gives me kisses and puts his cheeks up to mine and says ahhhwhwhhhhhhwe. But then he gets all shy if someone one else sees us. He is total typical BOY. And I love it. I am so happy to have my little boy and my Girl. I really do feel blessed.

AND, he also does this thing... I am not sure I can even describe it and I will probably NEVER get it on video. But when you look at him, he like smiles, and does the deep voiced uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh, usually putting his head down and jetting his belly out. I am sure this makes no sense to any of you. But when I read this 10 years from now, I bet I will totally have a visual in my head of what it looked like!

Cam Man Cam Man, smily boy! Momma loves you- you bring so much joy!

Funnies

2009-06-14T23:13:00.004-04:00

Today Maddie and I were laying around in my bed resting from the long camping weekend. She wanted some Milk to drink which she pronounces NOW. It is funny, and I have never really corrected her as she usually does the sign with it, but this time I decided to have her pronounce it correctly.
So I said You want Milk?

"NOW" She says nodding her head.

Say "MMILK" I ask her.

"NOW"

So I really emphasize it "MMMMMMMMMMMMMM-MILK"

To which she repeats "MMMMMMMMMMMMM-NOW"

I couldn't do anything but laugh.

Our 3 Day Route

2009-06-12T15:13:00.003-04:00

I am so excited about this! I LOVE Henry Ford Museum...I love Plymouth, and Ann Arbor- and Livonia is my neighborhood!!! I think this is one of the best routes so far.

All of my local friends can come visit me!!! ;) ;) Wink, wink.

Michigan

August 14 - 16, 2009

Don't miss out on this beautiful, inspiring journey. Register today.

It will begin with an emotional Opening Ceremony at the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, where we'll gather together to pay tribute to the many women and men who have lost their battle with breast cancer, and honor the survivors. We'll remember the reason we're walking as we make our way past popular Southeast Michigan landmarks such as the University of Michigan-Dearborn and Hines Drive. We will explore Old Rosedale Gardens in Livonia before heading to camp for the night.

On Saturday morning, we'll rise and shine, ready to hit the trail. This second day of walking will wind through the neighborhoods of Livonia before we revisit Hines Drive. Highlights will include downtown Plymouth and its historic homes as well as Plymouth's Historic Old Village as we travel through area towns and back to camp for another night of community, camaraderie and fun.

The final day of our journey will showcase some of Ann Arbor's most beautiful neighborhoods, the "Big House," the University of Michigan, Main Street and Kerrytown. We will walk through some of Ann Arbor's gorgeous parks along the Huron River as we make our way to Washtenaw Community College for a celebratory Closing Ceremony.

Memorial Day Parade

2009-06-02T15:04:00.006-04:00

This past Sunday was my town's Memorial Day Parade. I will have to say the parade this year was much better than last. But they are super short now. Under one hour. They used to be around 2 hours.

Anyhow, here are some pictures of Cam enjoying the parade. Oddly enough I did not get any shots of Maddie there. I think that is because she was too into her sucker to come be a ham when I got the camera out.

However, I am including a picture of HER from the parade last year, cause I love comparing the two of them around the same time frame. Although Cam is almost 8 months in this picture and Maddie was 11 months. Funny, huh!

Cam cried a bit when the sirens started (maddie never cried) but he also got over it really quick. He also bounced any time a band or music, or anything like that came by.

Happy Friday!

2009-05-29T10:40:00.003-04:00

Happy Friday Dear Readers!

My Dad put the idea of homeschooling into my head. UGH. Not that there is anything wrong with that...it is just that, when an idea comes into my head, I go full-force ahead, researching and reading and thinking and buying books. I have SOOO many other things I need to be working on, but I am now stuck on the idea of homeschooling! Something I don't have to even really give a ton of thought for a few years yet. It has been a good thing either way. Because it also really made me realize how I used to spend way more time with Maddie, doing things, teaching things etc. But after getting pregnant, and then my Mom, and then starting to work from home, I have been plopping her in front of the TV way more than I EVER intended. SO, it has also really started me looking into things to do with her to prep her for school- well really learning. Whether that may be in an actual school- or through me.

We are doing a workbook, and the beginning pages the kids literally just stick stickers on pages. It is SUPER cute watching her take things SOOO serious. The second sticker she put off was hanging off the side, and she says very loud and seriously "UH-OH!!!" She was very upset about the sticker not being all the way on the page! I guess I have a perfectionist in the works. We pulled it off and fixed it. Then again today, one of the stickers was hanging off- this time just a little bit. No biggie, and this time she had really stuck the sticker on the page- so it would be hard to rip off. So I told her "Its Okay...lets leave it" On to the next sticker. She places the second one and then says "Uhhh, about the other one, and rips it off the page!" OH DEAR, is all I can say.

But I get it. Many homeschoolers have said that they like to watch their kids in action learning. And I can see that. I would be missing out on somethings that I am not sure I would want a teacher to witness! My neighbor started homeschooling her daughter just this year, and says she now knows her daughter in a way she never did before. Interesting.

So, I just made a big boo-boo that I am paying for. Maddie was pretending to leave. She had Elmo in the stroller, a bucket on her arm, which I can only imagine is supposed to represent a diaper bag. And she comes over to give kisses. So as she is walking away towards the door, I say, trying to add to her "pretend" game. "Have a good walk to Papa's house!" She stops in her tracks! "Buh-bye?" And then I say, No...we were just playing. "PAPA!!!" with hands flailing and all. I still say, No we are not going to Papas. Then I let the dog out and she comes running yelling "PAAAPAAAA!" Oh geez, what did I start here!

Ok, I just counted out my points for some graham crackers and put them by my side...and somehow while I was typing this they all disappeared! Hmm, wonder who that was.

Mr Cam Man

2009-05-28T22:40:00.004-04:00

I love my little boy. We had some fun this afternoon playing with a Ball. He was totally enthralled with the ball. It was his main focus- he would watch it wherever it went, and got so excited when I would bounce it. Well while we were playing he went from laying on his belly to sitting up!! I was so proud. Then he also started to army crawl. I had totally called it. I knew he was going to be an army crawler!

Anyhow, I told Daddy when he got home about the fun we had with the ball today, and he wanted to see it. So we played ball with Cam again, and this time I got some video.

Anyhow, totally cute. This video is from my phone, so it was not the best video, but at least I got it. (oh, and sorry for my obnoxious vocals...but most of you are used to this by now!)

He goes after the ball, then he even tries to bounce it which is what we did with the ball when we get it. Super cute. Then the funniest part is when the ball goes by max he actually tries to use Max's paw to help him "creep" to the ball.

So glad I work from home to be there for these firsts. Even though Maddie had these firsts not too long ago, they are still special with each child!

Summer Vocabulary

2009-05-22T11:04:00.008-04:00

Maddie has added some new words to her vocabulary.

These include, but are not limited to, Sandbox, Slide, Trampoline, Swing. See Below for more information.

We got a free sandbox from Friends David and Janette (bonus #1)

Then Papa bought the sand to fill it (bonus #2)

Check out the awesome swing set Aunt Shell and Uncle Ken and family bought for Maddie and Cam. (bonus #3)

2009-05-12T23:47:00.002-04:00

If I had lost my husband, I think I would seriously need to be sedated. No doubt about it. I am sure I wouldn't be able to sleep, but if I WAS able to sleep, I wouldn't WANT to fall asleep. Not because of the sleeping or the dreaming part, but because that moment when you wake up, for a teeny, tiny, little milisecond you wake up and you FORGET that they are gone. It is really honestly a milisecond, you wake up feeling content, and ok, and even happy to start your day. Then it hits you like a ton of fucking bricks. (I know, I rarely swear, but it was totally called for there) It does....just smash in your face through your skull ton of bricks life altering moment when it hits you- the realization of your current situation, the realization of what your future holds (or more appropriately what is no longer holds).

Please for those of you who pray, please pray for my friend Sarah and the Krafchak Family.

2009-05-12T14:48:00.002-04:00

I hate to stay on this topic. The topic of death, but I am just so devastated today. I woke up to find that one of my old High School friend's husband passed last night. He was our age. It is just not fair. I don't still talk to this friend regularly. Just the usual you look great, your kids are cute, etc on facebook, etc. But it still just pains my heart just as if she was one of my close friends today. She had three kids. Two boys that were 6 & 4 and a new baby girl who was about 3 months. I just feel so much for her and those kids. I can't imagine how she is going to explain to them what happened to their Daddy. I just don't know how she is going to get up each morning. I keep thinking, hoping that it is a bad dream for her. That I am going to wake up and realize this did not happen to her. I just couldn't imagine being in her place. I mean, I still feel the pain of losing my Mom. But let's be honest, we are supposed to lose parents. I mean, you prepare for this as you get older. It doesn't make it easier. But your husband is not supposed to leave you in the middle of your wonderful life together. Your husband is not supposed to leave his 6 & 4 year old sweet, sweet boys. He is not supposed to leave a 3 month old little girl who will have no memories of her father. I can't imagine how much my friend's life is crashing in on her right now. I can't imagine when it will start to feel better.

Gosh, ok already, this is 3 people in the last two weeks. So it is done for a while right?

Note to self:

1.) Get DJ a physical
2.) Get life insurance for you and DJ. (i know, i know- ridiculous we haven't done this yet.)
3.) Kiss DJ when he gets home with lots of passion
4.) Live life everyday with a purpose.

This thing called Life

2009-05-08T10:03:00.003-04:00

Doesn't everyone just feel like there isn't enough time in the day? I think we all complain about that. But here is what has been nagging at me for a few days now. I have this growing list of things that I want to do. Either regularly or just once before...you know...I "kick" it if you will.

And here is the problem... the list keeps growing, I keep adding to it, but I am not crossing anything off! This is a problem to me. This has always bugged me, but I have more recently been thinking about this with the Death of my Mom 7 months ago, then her friend and neighbor just passed a week ago. My Mom was 61 and her friend in her 80s. But the others ones that REALLY bug me, are my sister's neighbor who died in her late 30s of Cancer that was consuming her whole body. They found the cancer, and she was gone a week later! Then, my High School boyfriend's sister also passed away last weekend. She was 38 and it was completely sudden and unexpected. My sister's neighbor left 3 children behind, my High School Boyfriend's Sister left 2 children.

It is just scary. I mean, I don't usually sit here at age 32 and think what if I die at 38? That means I only have 6 years left to really truly LIVE my life! That is not a lot of time at all! But I don't think of those types of things because I like to live with a much more positive outlook on life and things. But WHAT IF?? What if I KNEW that would be when I died. I bet I would start out and cross some things off that list. I would be writing in this blog everyday leaving messages to my kids about what we did and what I feel and how much I love them. But I don't know, I don't have an end in site, so the list sits, and it grows.

I will say, that if I did know/find out I was going to pass at 38, I would be so thankful for the fact that I left my job a year and a half ago to stay home with Maddie full time. And I would be proud of myself for continuing to stay home with Cameron and find something I can do from home to bring in income! I know that I would not care a minute about how successful I was in the advertising industry. Or the fact that staying home means going out to eat less, and buying less things, or not being able to get new furniture, a new bathroom, new clothes. I know I would be more active and get out and do things, I would scrapbook some memory albums for my kids and my husband! I would pray a lot more, and go camping with the family more.

I mean the bottom line is that when my Mom passed and when we talked about her, when our family talked about her, it was things like her kindness and her craftiness that we talked about. Not how she dressed, how she looked, where she worked. Etc. That all means nothing once you have crossed to the other side. It is about how you treat people and how you lived your life.

I DO love my life. It sometimes gets overwhelming, and I often times feel boring and just like a Mom. And I DO need to spend a little more time doing things that are fun and relaxing for me. So I am going to slowly start crossing some of those things off my list. I still don't feel a need to rush at completing this list...I feel good just about crossing things off. As long as it isn't sitting and building while I take care of only my husband, children and the home. I need to set up and become a bit more of a priority!

Just for fun- some pictures of my wonderful life!

Cutie Cam with a messy rice cereal face! Have I ever told you that I love messy face shots!

Papa Don gave Maddie her first ever Sour Patch Kid!

It was SOUR!

Rusty

2009-05-07T13:28:00.002-04:00

Wow. I feel totally rusty at the blogging thing.

But I actually have some time to myself and so I am going to use that to blog. I know you are all excited!

I just have to tell you that today my kiddos have just been bringing so much laughter and smiles to my house today. Maddie was having me laughing my butt of earlier, there were a few different things. And then I decided to teach Cam to stick out his tongue. He is so different from Maddie ever was. She would watch intently and then slowly try until she got it right. Cam watches intently, and then I can see his tongue wanting to give it a try. it is literally inside quivering. Lol. So I put him down and tend to some things, and the first time that I walk over to him to pick him up, he looks at me so serious and then sticks his tongue out with all his might! Like "Ok Mom, I got it" It is like he waited for me to leave to practice it a couple of times to make sure he could do it and only then did he show off his new talent. That was super cute and all, but the reason that I was just laughing my butt off about it is that he totally has the funniest looking tongue. It is long and pointy and well, think of KISS. Wow.... I always knew it was a bit pointy, but actually seeing it when he sticks it out just makes me laugh. And it like curls up even, so I swear it kinda looked like a snake or something. I will try to get it on video.

Maddie is just Maddie, and well she has a great personality, even if she is 22 months going on 18. Boy oh boy does she know what she wants and gets REALLY upset when she doesn't get it. I really feel sorry for the boys she dates. ;) But she is also really funny and keeps me smiling all day.

Well, I need to get to blogging more. It is really theraputic for me so I need to do it more. Well, I am off to rest a bit while the kiddos are sleeping. I have a busy work at home night ahead of me too. I am really enjoying working from home.

I love this company, I really do. What it stands for and what it does for Moms and families.

2009-05-04T15:50:00.002-04:00

Mornings with Maddie

2009-04-20T09:52:00.003-04:00

Maddie is quiet this morning already which makes me think "uh-oh" I go into my bedroom and she is in my bed covered up... similar to the pic in the below post. I say "what are you doing" cause TLC is on the TV and I know this time of morning is the baby show. I look at the tv and laugh and she looks around the bed and says "no remote" with her hands turned up. It makes me laugh, cause she is like, "well I would have changed it, but I couldn't find the remote"

She knows all the places to look to. She looked on Daddy's night table. Then I told her well look under the pillows. She soon finds it under the body pillow which leads to a huge squeal of "REmote!!!" What happened to the Mom who said I would not let my kids watch TV? I know what happened to her. She got pregnant when said child was 6 months old. lol.

Picture Overload

2009-04-19T21:30:00.007-04:00

I haven't posted lately cause I promised myself that When I did I would post pictures. Which means coming downstairs to get on the Mac, and not upstairs in bed on the laptop.

SOOO, I have finally made it down here and BOY do I have some pictures to share. I will try not to make this TOO long!

Cam finally allowed to sit at the table with us. Guess I should start treating him like a 6 month old :(. lol

Maddie wearing Mommy's Work At Home Headset.

I just thought this was a cool shot. She LOVES eating with her Elmo fork

Cam loves his walker. And he really loves to chew on Cookie Monster's eyes!

Silly Girl! Playing Buh-Bye. Complete with kisses and hugs and her walking down the steps to the door.

I caught her in my bed like this. She got up there, with her baby and blanket and covered herself up. Barney was playing on our TV in there.

Rough Housing. And yes, Cam loves it!

Updates

2009-04-09T22:31:00.003-04:00

Well, I gave an update about Cam last night and I feel the need to do one about Maddie. I try to make things equal with them and the truth is that I probably tend to talk about Maddie more. But only because she does more! So it is totally NOT intentional. I have to be quick too, because I have a phone appt for my WAH job. I know I totally do work all hours and from the comfort of my home bed. lol

Maddie's vocabulary has really just exploded lately. Well, really I think it is just that I have finally begun to understand her more now. But she actually says sentences. It is super cute. She says "I got it" She says Mine and Maddie for things a lot now. She says I love you which sounds like "OLIVE OOOO" She is constantly playing "Buh Bye" Putting on shoes and or clothes, or getting bags and putting things in them then going around and giving everyone bye bye kisses.

She is such a jokester. She pretends to cry when My sister asks her to give her a kiss. She is SOO rough with Cameron, but it is funny- he totally LOVES it. Today she smacked his belly SOOO hard... and he just laughed. I was so surprised. She still got herself in trouble for that one though. She tries to brush Cam's hair. Which for one- he doesn't HAVE any hair. lol. He switches from loving the attention to kinda ducking from her when she brushes it. It is really funny. I have no idea what she was doing this evening while I was making calls, but he was seriously laughing his head off! SOOO cute. I am leaving messages and laughing the whole while. That is ok, though, that is why I work from home. To be here and see these things.

As for me. I met with one of my old vendors yesterday for coffee. I am not going to lie. It was soo nice to get out! Have some coffee and adult conversation. It did make me miss the whole advertising executive roll I used to be in..... but it is so easy to forget all the crap I used to put up with too. I think basically I just miss the people, and well, of COURSE the pay. Lol. But whatever, I will be replacing it soon, I just won't have that ego boost of having the "title" But what REALLY is in a title anyhow ya know. Plus, I am starting to realize that really the BEST title in life is MOM. ;)

Well, it is Easter weekend. We have plans to take the kiddos to see the Easter Bunny and do some fun egg coloring. Oh, and I am scrapbooking too.

HAPPY EASTER TO YOU ALL! I am sure there will be pictures to follow of our Holiday Fun. Jesus Has Risen!

Happy Half Birthday Baby Boy!

2009-04-08T22:32:00.002-04:00

Can you believe that Cameron is 6 months old today? I cannot. He is just so sweet. And his little personality is just shining through. It is interesting how similar, yet very different him and Maddie are. He is so sweet. I cannot give his cute little face enough kisses. OH, and I thought Maddie was a cuddly baby. He is SOOOO Cuddly and sweet. When you kiss his sweet face, he leans into you and actually purrs. He does. So cute. And then he turns all boy on you and turns his face to mine and grabs my cheeks with his hands and growls and tries to eat me. Lol. I love every minute of it!

He rolls from one side of the room to the other. He laughs, laughs, laughs ALL day long! He squeals when I dig my fingers into the sides of his back. And I do it way too much. But it is so cute and then he laughs, and squeals some more. He is very active. He rocks back and forth and constantly wants to be in his jump-a-roo. He LOVES his sister. Sometimes she is so rough with him and he just giggles and laughs. It is pretty funny. He will for sure be a tough boy. Yet VERY sensitive. A couple of evenings ago Alex was tickling Maddie while she was laying on the ground. Cameron couldn't see Maddie or ALex's face. But he heard her squealing and her feet kicking. He was watching and getting visibly upset, and he was doing this like warning cry. Such an interesting sound. It was cute and sad all at the same time. I didn't want him to be upset, but I tried not to over-react to his reaction. I just asked Alex to turn and talk to him to show him they were ok and just playing. But what a sweetie.

Anyhow, Cameron. Thank you for coming into our life. You are no doubt a shining light at a time of darkness that we needed so bad.

Happy Half Birthday Baby Boy. I love more than you will ever realize. Maybe until you have kids of your own. But probably not even then. Because you will not a Mom. To a sweet baby boy like you. A baby boy who brought much happiness to me at a time when I had lost someone so precious to me. You are such a gift from God and I thank him for you all the time. xoxo big hugs and kisses from your Mommy.

Need Money?

2009-04-03T11:57:00.003-04:00

Ok, who DOESN'T?

But honestly, how would an extra $500 for the next 3 months sound to you??

I'm looking for 2 people this month that would like to Earn a GUARANTEED $500 minimum per month for the next 3 months = $1500!! No MLM, NO selling, inventory or delivering products. Who do you know?

Contact me!!

Support My Walk!

2009-04-01T22:27:00.004-04:00

Can I just tell you that I FELL IN LOVE with these handstamped necklaces made by Kristen's Custom Creations the moment I found her site! I instantly bought two pieces from her. One for myself and one for a birthday present for my sister. Kristen's customer service was amazing, and the product as cute in person as the pictures!

Kristen lives near me, but I actually found her online, and we have never met in person...but can you believe she was kinda enough to agree to donate a portion of the sales of her gorgeous necklaces to my fundraising goal of $2300?

That is right! I loved her pieces SOOO much, I wanted to introduce her to all of my family and friends anyhow. But I asked her if I did so if she would contribute a portion of any sales to my walk! And she is! 10% to be exact!!!

SO, Please Check out her site. She has MANY cute designs, but especially check out her personalized Mommy necklaces. They are SUPER cute, and you can get one just in time for a Mother's Day gift. When you place your order, please put in the notes section "Melissa's 3 Day Walk" so she knows to give me credit for your orders!! THANK YOU!!!

Click her to go to Kristen's Site:

Conversing

2009-03-31T18:06:00.002-04:00

Maddie and I have conversations. What is so blog worthy about that you ask?? Well, it is the fact that I have NO IDEA what it is we converse about! Here is a sampling of our conversation from today:

Her (sitting on the couch watching a movie): MOOOOOOMMMMA, blehha, dellhie taattie blayer????
Me (standing at stove): I am just right here making dinner cause Daddy is on his way home.
Her: Uummmm, Noooo, buhhelr, laaader, delher DADA blehel baaaa.
Me: Oh yeah?
Her: Buhhelr, jughel, maenaaaher HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA!

SO my assumption is that whatever she said last was pretty funny- or at least SHE thought so!

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaack

2009-03-26T10:02:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I am back from Wordpress. I am sure this is a bit annoying, but I decided I like Blogspot better than Wordpress, for many reasons, most of which I am sure you could careless about it. And if you do want to know just ask me.

It feels good to be back home.

It didn't take me long to figure out the new name of my Blog. I am working on a new outlook on life, and that is positivity. Why is that you ask? Because I have so many things to be happy and positive about. I have some things in the works too, like new home business opportunity that has my life headed to total happiness.

So here is it. The best description of my life right now:
Home with my kids where Love and Laughter Equals Happiness.

WELCOME!

THIS BLOG HAS MOVED

2009-01-01T14:25:00.001-05:00

Please find me at www.mamachef.wordpress.com

I'm Moving

2008-12-30T18:14:00.004-05:00

I am moving... my blog that is.

As of January 1st 2009 you can find me on wordpress.

I am naming the new blog Mama Chef. Because I am a Momma and I love to cook and entertain. I hope to broaden my blog to include more posts about cooking and recipes.

So come find me over there when you have the time!!

www.mamachef.wordpress.com

Unexpected

2008-12-25T00:48:00.002-05:00

When my Mom first went into the Hospital on Saturday September 13th, and she was on the ventilator, I went into her room and her hair was getting all tangled from her head thrashing around because of the discomfort from the ventilator. So, when I saw her hair getting all tangled I took her little orange hair band out of her head, and untangled her hair. I put the hair band on my wrist, like I would with mine when I take it out of my head. It was orange ( I said that). I thought it was an interesting color, as all of my hair bands like this are black. I wore it around my wrist the entire time she was in the hospital.

A few days later, she had come off the ventilator, and seemed to be doing well. However, because of some very painful headaches (which eventually we figured was because of her CO2 Levels being so high, and her oxygen levels being so low) she had to go in to have a couple of cat scans of her head. The put these sensors on her head in her hair and they made her hair all goopy. She hadn't been able to have her hair washed, which I knew bugged her, and she mentioned something about her hair in her face. I asked her if she wanted me to pull her hair back for her. She said Yes. So I did, but instead of using her orange hairband on my wrist, I pulled the black one from my hair and used that to pull her goop-filled hair back the best I could. At the time I remember her looking around the room and saying "I had a hair tie here somewhere, but I don't know where it went." I kinda smiled inside about my secret that I had been the one to take her hair band out, and that I was wearing it on my wrist at the time. I don't know why, but I wanted to keep that hairband. Kinda the whole time she was in the hospital I figured she wasn't coming out. Of course I had many bouts of positive and/or hopeful thinking that I was wrong, but I also think in a way that I knew she wasnt. I wanted to keep this hair band to help me think of her and remember her, and kinda keep me close to her.

I wore the hair band for a few weeks after she passed, and during her funeral I made a point to put it on. But then after a while, I started using the band as an actual hair band myself when I couldn't find any black ones to use. The truth is, I wasn't attached to the band like I wanted to be. It didn't really make me think of her they way I had hoped it would. Eventually, I lost the band like I have with all of my other hair bands in the past.

Tonight, I got home from celebrations at my Dad's house and I started to pick up the house a bit since I was due to feed Cam in an hour, thinking I might as well stay up and get a bit done so I have less to do tomorrow. As I picked up the bottom half of my lipstick so Maddie wouldn't get into it in the morning and cause a mini disaster, (like drawing with lipstick on my walls or something right before my Christmas Dinner guests arrive) I noticed way back in the corner where my wall and sink meet, there sits the orange band! It has been months since I have seen the thing! I am pretty sure that I have looked in that corner since I have lost the band, and have never noticed it before.

Suddenly, the band gave me warm feelings, and sad feelings, and just general feelings of Mom. I started to cry right away. It is just so ODD, that it was there, I never noticed it before tonight, Christmas Eve, and that at the time I had lost it, I really wasn't feeling the connection I was hoping it would give me with her, and now it was doing all that I had wanted it to before.

ODD. I can only say one thing. Merry Christmas to you too Mom. You were missed tonight and I love you.

Here we go again!

2008-12-22T09:57:00.002-05:00

All of this was $29.83!!

I am on fire, and yes Dad, it is all stuff we will USE! ;) Notice what is in there though... Bacon, Cheese, Ritz... this is all expensive stuff!

I got all this on Friday. I guess there are not circulars in this week or next week's papers. :( So, I am on hold for a couple of weeks!

My First Couponing Adventure!

2008-12-15T21:20:00.005-05:00

I GOT ALL THIS FOR $22.77!!!

ETA: I also have two Coffee Mate creamers, that were not in the picture cause I put them in the fridge when I got home cause I had to feed Cam, and I forgot to take them back out for the picture! So, this plus two liquid creamers! (peppermint mocha and french vanilla in case you were wondering!)

Okay, why have I NOT been using coupons all my life? I mean really! I am so amazed that this is possible!

I used to be a non-coupon cutting, full price paying, sale oblivious shopper. But no longer! Do you remember this post ? I started a while back learning how to "coupon". But I just kept getting more pregnant, which means more lazy, and more overwhelmed by any old simple task. So, I gave up on the couponing for a while. Well, now that I am un-pregnant, and not so lazy, and able to figure out (minor) complicated things again (haha), I decided to get back to the couponing. And I have!

And I will only get better. Had I been saving coupons from weekly circulars prior to this Sunday, I could have probably save an additional 2+ Dollars!

I am pretty excited with myself. Also, today my Dad and I took the kids to Cabelas. He had two coupons, and we looked them over before we left the house. He decided which coupons was the best deal, and he put the other coupon in my trash. I quickly pulled it back out (even though it said only one coupon per offer) because of my new knowledge of "couponing". I said, maybe you can use both, to which my Dad replied "it says only one!" I took the coupon anyhow. It was $10.00 off, with no minimum purchase. So when we went up to the cash register, my Dad grabbed the better coupon, and gave it to the cashier. Then I said "Can he use this coupon too?" And the lady very nicely said "Sure". So he got $70 off from his coupon, and then $20 off of the second. I am really not sure HOW he got $20 instead of $10. but either way, it worked out great!

If the lady hadn't let us combine the coupon, I was going to grab $12.00 in candy by the registers and pay the $2.00 plus tax just to use the $10.00. Hey times are tough around here now-a-days. :)

Maddie Speaks!

2008-12-15T15:47:00.002-05:00

Maddie talking. She usually says things clearer than she was in this video, cause she was being silly. Also, I laughed so hard when she said "More" cause she has never said it before, she usually just signs it. I love how she goes back and forth from signing to speaking. haha.

He Just Melted My Heart

2008-12-14T23:42:00.002-05:00

I am working in my bed trying to put my couponing knowledge to work by going over this weekends coupons. Cam is laying in his bassinette right next to my bed. Every now and I again, I will stop and talk to him. He is completly content. He poops, and so I change him. It is such a smelly diaper that it must go straight into the trash. I take it out to the kitchen trash, wash my hands, sneak a Christmas Cookie, (ok, 2 Christmas Cookies) and pour myself a glass of milk. As I am getting the milk out of the fridge I hear him crying. It isn't really a real cry, but more of a crying out... like "Where did my Mommy go?" So I come back expecting that I may have to pick him up- that he just had enough of laying in the bassinette. I come back and say "here I am buddy" to which I get a HUGE smile like "There you are Mommy". And he is fine again! What a sweetie. I love my little boy.

Toledo Zoo Lights... Finally

2008-12-13T12:43:00.007-05:00

For my loyal readers, you may remember this Post from last year when we attempted to go to the Toledo Zoo lights, got there, and turned right around to go home cause of the weather!

Well, this year we went again, and actually made it in this time! It was fun!

Here are some pictures from the night! Probably more than you want to see!

Maddie and her buddy Hanna. Hanna didn't want Maddie touching her, and Maddie knew it, so what did she do...? Kept touching her!

My niece getting eaten by a Polar Bear. AHHH! :)

The Girls dancing to the light show music! It was really cool!

Maddie and Haley, isn't it just the cutest pic ever!

Believe it or not, Cameron is in that stroller. He is in the back part, under the light blue blanket. He was the warmest out of all of us!

Kids having (too much) fun in the restaurant afterwards. Haley, Maddie, and Drew

Maddie and Haley showing some love!

Typical Boy messing with the girls pictures ;)

My Poor Son...

2008-12-12T09:57:00.002-05:00

Here is video of My Maddie torturing Poor Cameron. He will get her back one day! I am sure of it.

WARNING!!

2008-12-11T22:37:00.003-05:00

Pressing Play may make you want to have a second, third, or even fourth child.

Cause he is just too cute!

Pics: Just Because

2008-12-04T16:04:00.005-05:00

I haven't posted pictures in a while. I have my downstairs office, somewhat set-up. At least enough to where I can get on this computer without having to climb my way into the room and type over a pile of papers.

So it is due time to download my pics and post them all for your enjoyment. I know you were all holding your breath! ;)

Thanksgiving. I took these pics when we got home for the day. For one, I woke Cameron up by moving him, so he is stretching in all the pics. Then in the second one, Maddie had just had enough for the day. Therefore the lovely face!

Cutie Pie Cam Man!

I love this Best Friends shirt. I got these for $5.00 from The Children's Place.com

Maddie has a new "look" she now gives the camera! Geez! Notice the wording on her shirt! I think it is so cute! Got that at Target for $2.98.

2008-12-03T21:47:00.003-05:00

They say to make something a habit you must do it for 28 days. I finally think they are right! I have tried to do many things for those 28 days in order to establish a new habit. Dieting, exercise, Cleaning, etc. And I have never made it through the 28 days. Until this NaBloPoMo. And this is why I now believe the habit. I can't help but to come on and blog. Even though I have given myself permission not to. But, it no longer feels like a complete day if I haven't blogged!

Last night, Maddie got sick! Threw up all in her crib. Poor Baby. It was 1:00 in the morning, so needless to say- I changed her, cleaned her up, and left her crib as is until the morning. I hate fighting with the matress and crib bumper to change the sheet and it is certainly not something I wanted to deal with at 1 in the morning. Not to mention, that I just couldn't let her sleep alone feeling icky and all.

So she came to bed with DJ and I. Which is a rare event for her. So, she got her second wind and had fun being in bed between us. She finally went back to sleep at... 3:00am! Ugh. It was not fun. She woke up for good at 6:00 when Cameron woke up for his feeding. Ugh again!

She seemed to do OK most of the day. But I was still pretty leary about whether she was actually feeling better or not. She was very cuddly and whiny all day. Around 4:30 she finally crawled up on the couch with me and feel asleep. We both slept until 6:30. She was very whiny when she first woke up which leads me to believe she is still not entirely up to par.

I myself, am not feeling too well.

Cameron, he has a bit of a stuffy nose too. His little nostrils are so tiny as it is, the poor boy has such a hard time breathing when he is a bit stuffed up. But, he still was pretty smiley and happy tonight! That boy I tell ya, he sure is becoming a cutie. Talking to his little dinos on his swing, and anyone else who will talk to him. Also, the best is how he will just snuggle into my chest and relax and go to sleep. Like he has just been waiting his WHOLE life to relax in my arms. Yes I realize his life is only 8 weeks long! But still, for him that IS a long time!

Anyhow, this is just one of the many things that makes being a Mom so amazing!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

2008-12-02T14:15:00.005-05:00

Shopping: Ugh.

As you all know I have already started some of my Christmas shopping. I have also done some of it online. Taking advantage of the free shipping. Also, I now LOVE using coupons and such to get deals. Well, I never knew this before, but I just googled "Coupon Code" and the name of the store I was shopping at- and I found coupon codes to use. I saved 25% off at The Children's Place and 25% and 30% off one item at Borders. I had no idea it was that easy! Borders was free shipping, and TCP was $5. I saved $7.00 at TCP (so it was like I got shipping for free, plus $2) and I saved $14 at Borders. GO ME.

Things are tight for everyone now a days, and I have made a pledge. I have pledged to buy most of my Christmas Gifts from people who make things and sell them, or from others like me who have a home based business. I also plan to try to make several gifts myself. I think in all cases this is a win-win. I mean, I am supporting more of the little people than just the bigger corporations, and the things I make myself will be made with much love!

Have you ever heard of Fly Lady? I have done her home cleaning program before, and I signed up for it again.

I just got this email today, and in reading it, I totally agreed with all of her suggestions for Christmas Presents. I thought I would share it with all of you, and encourage you to think of buying homemade/home business this year. Think Home Interiors, Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, Etc. Also, you can go to Etsy.com. These are all home-made goods that people sell, and let me tell you there are some gorgeous things on there. I found a gorgeous Mom necklace that I made my hubby buy me for my Birthday :). Good Luck!

When shopping doesn't overwhelm your time, it can be a fun part of the
holiday season and get you in the spirit of the season. The problem is
it can be very time consuming and only add to your stress when you
have a busy holiday agenda.

Here are ways to streamline your holiday shopping:

Shop early!!! The best way to not get stressed is to get it done
early. Buy a gift or two each week to help budget your purchases.
(Consider shopping year round…next year).

Don't over spend—stay on budget. Don't feel guilt if you can't spend
as much as someone else. Be realistic.

Shop during off-peak hours and shop alone. Think mid-week and during
the daytime. Plan ahead and schedule a day off or arrange for a
babysitter.

Make a list. Stick to it!

Just because it's on sale, doesn't make it a bargain. Don't buy what
you don't need. If it's not on your list of needed things, chances are
you still don't need it.

Shop online. There are many great gifts you can buy online—no need to
waste gas or hunt for a parking place at crowded malls. Armchair shop
this year! Buy before December 18th!

Gift certificates. A great clutter-free gift! I can't think of a
person that doesn't like to get a gift certificate/ card. Ask your bank
(or bank card services) for a card that can be spent anywhere.

Got family? Have a gift exchange. If you have too many people in your
family, agree to pick a name and buy one really nice gift instead. One
really nice gift is so much better than 5 battery-operated gadgets!

"If you can't wear it, or eat it—forget it". Do not buy more do-dads,
knick-knacks, or "set-me-outs" (my Southern girlfriend calls them
that!) Don't buy clutter for your home--or anyone else's!

Make or bake. Be creative and thoughtful. Get the kids involved. Make
hand painted ornaments or put together a gift basket of micro-wave
popcorn and a DVD for a family to enjoy together. Bake cranberry nut
pumpkin bread and attach the recipe with a festive ribbon. Who can't
resist a gift from the heart?

Pamper yourself. Make sure you get plenty of rest and eat healthy
food. Try not to over-indulge and dress yourself nicely. When you look
and feel your best—you will surpass all holiday expectations!

December 23rd. Go to the mall just because you feel like it (this is
one of my favorite things to do). Buy a mocha latte and dress festive
and watch the people rush by!

BTW, if you ask an adult what his or her's favorite childhood memory
of holidays past--it would be spending time together--not the gifts
received.

For those who are interested in Fly Lady info, you can go here: www.flylady.net The year I did her Flying through the Holidays program, I had the best Christmas ever (as an adult that is, haha!)

I guess it is my turn

2008-12-01T08:59:00.002-05:00

To be sick. Blah. When I woke up for Cam's night feeding, I realized that my throat was sore. And then later this morning when he got up at 8, it had gotten even more so. Now my ears are itchy, and my nose runny :(.

How unfortunate since I have really begun to get the energy and motivation to get stuff done. Hopefully it just skates right by me and doesn't get much worse than this. I am doing craft show this Saturday for my home based business and I also have a show that night for it. So, I cannot be sick.

Speaking of this craft show. I will also be selling used books there for my Breast Cancer 3-day. This is huge for me, cause let's just say I LOVE BOOKS. It is really hard for me to get rid of them. But I keep telling myself it is for a good cause. Of course I will keep all the books that do not sell. I have dreams of owning a house that one day has an office that is all shelves, and my books get the proper display they deserve. Instead of being stored away in bins in the smallest darkest corner room of the basement. We will see.

The Last Blog

2008-11-30T19:18:00.003-05:00

for NaBloPoMo that is. I feel kinda sad about it. I feel impressed that I actually did it the entire month.

I am not going to kill myself over blogging everyday in December, since it is December after all. But, I certainly hope that the habit of blogging each day has stuck with me. I have honestly enjoyed it.

Today I got a lot accomplished at home. Still have much more to go though. But boy does it feel good to be getting somewhere. The room is cleaned out and ready for the crib and changing table to go in. I am hoping to just get it done the rest of the week. Tomorrow I want to go get the shelves I need for the new "office" downstairs. Hopefully I can talk my hubby into putting them together tomorrow night. Then Wednesday and Thursday I can organize all of the stuff and get them put away. We rearranged the furniture downstairs and put the treadmill back in the corner. We will be using that thing regularly in the next month. When I start training to start training for the 3-day walk.

Also, I need to get the basement set up for my home based business. I really want to win the 2009 trip. It is to Disney World and it is for a family of four. This means we can take our kiddos. January happens to be double point month for the trip, so I want to get my butt in gear and really start working my business. Well, to do that well, I need to get my "office" organized. I keep putting Office in quotes, because I consider an office to have a door, and well this does not. And, it is being set up in an unfinished portion of my basement, which does not make me happy. But we do not have the funds to finish that portion, so it is what it is. I am going to do everything I can to make it comfy and a great work space. Wish me luck!

Well, I am off to clean up my kitchen. The rest of my house has been neglected today while I worked on Cam's room and the basement.

Quick Blog

2008-11-29T22:39:00.002-05:00

I have to do a quick blog because my computer is about to die. ANd well, I am too lazy to get up and go plug it in. Also the kid needs to eat soon, and so I need to get it in before he wakes up and starts fussing!

Today I went to my nephew's Hockey game and unfortunately they did not win :(. Maddie was over tired, and that was not fun.

My kids have had a crazy half week! But it is all coming to a close now- well at least for a while. Until Christmas rolls around. We are not doing our Sunday Family dinner tomorrow, so this means Maddie can get to bed early, and we can have a calm night at home. However, during the day, we are working on Cam's bedroom/the basement.

Wish us luck! Hopefully soon I can post some pics of Cam's room!

Black Friday

2008-11-28T22:30:00.003-05:00

So did everyone get the deals they were looking for?

I wasn't really looking for any. Just the fun of going out shopping. A great tradition with my BFF.

This year it didn't really feel the same. We only hit a total of three stores, but it took all day this year. We also started later than we usually do, and well, it just wasn't the same. Don't get me wrong, I am still glad we did it. But there is just something about waking up when it is still dark. We also used to start out our day by hitting the McDonalds and eating some breakfast. Then we would go over to the stores and stand in the crazy lines. Then we would hit Starbucks for a PEPPERMINT MOCHA. YUM, my favorite and you can only get it this time of year :).

However, this year was quite different with 2 under 2 in tow. First last night Cam decided to stay awake from about 4-6 and had two, yes two poopy diapers within that time. Poopy diapers are never fun, but they REALLY stink between the hours of 4 and 6 am. No pun intended. I finally got to sleep by 7, and woke up at 8:15. I am supposed to pick up my BFF at 9:00 am. Needless to say she got a "Can we push it back text".

I got to her house around 10:30 am which is actually quite good for starting the day at 8:15 and getting myself showered, the kids fed, dressed and diaper bags packed. Stroller and kids loaded into the car.

We discuss the whole starbucks situation, and we decide to do a quick stop at a Target for her to run in and get us some drinks. I stay in the car with Cameron who cries everytime the car comes to a stop, and Maddie who is saying Please continuously (which sounds suspiciously like CHEEEESSSSSSSEEEEE) because she saw the peanut butter and jelly sandwhich I packed for her in the diaper bag for lunch.

I will say the Peppermint Mocha WAS super yummy, but the ambiance of the first sip just wasn't the same. :)

BOth kids did really well, and I felt like a Super star walking through Kohls with Cam in the sling. ( I am still surprised at how many people are in awe of the slings. I thought they were more common lately.) All of the people in the massively long line Ooohed and Aaahed at my cute little man. And he IS a cutie, it is not just cause they have been standing in line for the past half hour that they were so smitten with my handsome guy!

I bought only one true Christmas gift. But, I got a lot of things for me and Maddie. However, ALL of these things were very much needed. I got her a hat and gloves, I got me some new lounging pants, and some new walking shoes. (I have to start training to train for the 3-day- yes I said that right!)

I also got Maddie the one toy I wanted to get for her. I have seen it pretty much every where for $60.00 and I got it at Kohls for $40.00 I am pretty sure that is a good deal. And probably will not see it any cheaper this year. So make that 2 true gifts :) I also got her some stocking stuffers!

Anyhow, here's to the beginning of the Holiday Season! Hope you all enjoyed your day. Wether you decided to go out and brave the crowds and or stay in and put up your Christmas Decorations.

This is what Heaven looks like for my daughter...

2008-11-27T23:20:00.002-05:00

Here she is sleeping between her two favorite people! Her cousins Al and Chelsea. She stayed the night at their house last night and my sis texted me this picture. It put such a smile on my face and everyone in the bar with me. So, I have to share with you. Just so you know what Heaven looks like for miss Maddie.

I am Thankful

2008-11-27T23:06:00.003-05:00

I am thankful for so many things. But here are the first 10 that come to my mind:

I am thankful for my family.

I am thankful for my friends.

I am thanful for being home with my kids instead of sending them to daycare.

I am thankful for all of the support I got from family and friends when my Mom passed away.

I am thankful for the recent birth of my second child, and that he is a healthy and happy boy.

I am thankful for my very energetic, and very smart daughter and all of the smiles she brings to my face on a daily basis.

I am thankful for my wonderful husband and all the amazing things he does for me.

I am thankful for the 31 years I spent with my Mom.

I am thankful that my daughter sleeps throught the night, has since she was 7 weeks old, and that my Son seems soon to follow.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-11-26T08:03:00.002-05:00

Her shirt says it all!

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Writer's Block?

2008-11-25T18:58:00.005-05:00

I surprisingly have had no problem finding something to blog about each day. Until now. Call it writer's block maybe? I can't believe this thing is almost done and that I have almost blogged for 30 days straight! I will say it started to become somewhat of a habit. But it was much easier to blog in the morning. I am pretty tired and worn down by the evening time and it makes it hard to come up with something to say.

Tomorrow is the biggest bar night of the year, and I am excited to report that even after 2 kids, I will still be participating in the pre-thanksgiving day fun! My sis is taking my kiddos which is super cool of her, especially since she is the one hosting T-day. Don't you think!?!

I also am one of those crazies who goes shopping on Friday. But this year, I may be crazier than ever. I cannot find anyone to watch the kiddos on Thursday night/Friday morning, sooooo my BFF and I talked about it and decided to be crazy and take the kids with us anyway! Please think about us that day and wish us luck.

I guess you could say it is an obsession. Those of us who love to do it totally get it. Those who don't love it, do not get it. But my BFF and I have been doing it for I think the past 4 years. And now, it just wouldn't seem the like the start of the Holiday Season without doing it. So we are not going full out this year, we will be starting the day by heading out at 9:00am instead of 5:00am. We will shop for a few hours and then stop for lunch. Truthfully after that, we will probably be going home. I have a feeling Maddie will be done. But, I at least HAVE to go out, somewhere for a little bit.

I am also hosting a Black Friday sale for my home based business which shall remain nameless on the internet. So hopefully while I am out spending money, I will also be making money! That is what I love about my business... that I can even do that! Oh, and if you are interested in finding out what the sale entails, leave me a comment and I can figure out a way to get you the information.

Cutie Cam in His Camo

2008-11-24T13:30:00.000-05:00

Darn Global Warming!

2008-11-24T10:50:00.004-05:00

That is right, it is snowing! I LOVE Snow! (in November, December and January that is)

I was doing dishes this morning and looked out the window. I got all excited when I saw the flakes coming down. And then I thought... "Why am I getting excited?" the snow is NOT like the snow we got when I was a kid! I wish it was, for Maddie's sake. But this thing called Global Warming is probably what has caused the winters to be so dull anymore.

I remember making HUGE forts with my friends. Ones we could actually crawl in. We made snowmen- ones that actually lasted more than and couple days. And then there were snowball fights. In fact, this is how I started a friendship with the "new" kid on the street. I asked him if he wanted to have a snowball fight. We stayed good friends all through High School and still see in each other when he comes into town.

But probably my favorite childhood winter memory is the year my Dad built us an ice rink IN OUR BACKYARD!! How freaking cool is that! It doesn't stay cold long enough at one time to do that now. NOT that it matters cause my hubby would NEVER get his butt out of bed in the middle of the night to keep the rink going. My Dad had to set his alarm every couple hours and go out there and spray another layer of water on the "rink". Anyhow, I remember having my cousins over to skate on our rink, and it was so fun.

I guess when it is time to take Maddie iceskating, we will have to go to the boring indoor rinks around here. ;)

It's been a week....

2008-11-23T11:18:00.003-05:00

...since I cried about my Mom, for my Mom, for my children's loss, for my loss, for my family's loss etc.

It's interesting cause I had a talk with my Dad last Saturday and he mentioned that I needed to get over it- for lack of a better word. And I promised him that I was OK, DOING FINE. And well, I thought I was. And, I am now, but I am no longer sure I was before.

Is this confusing? Yeah, well, welcome to my thoughts.

This might make more sense (or make you more confused, which I apologize in advance about.) But, SOMETHING HAPPENED. To me, last Sunday night. And I am not going into detail. Why you ask. Hmm, cause you all may stop reading my blog because you think I am crazy. And my family and friends who read my blog might try to have me committed. But something happened, and the truth is that I am not even sure I can explain it. I am not even sure I really fully know what happened myself.

But let's just say... the hurt was taken away. I am sure my Mom had something to do with this.

But again, the hurt is gone.

No more crying randomly throughout the day.
No more feeling like I am going to throw-up.
No more having trouble breathing when I think about her being gone.
No more just general sadness and moping around.

I guess I DID need to get over it. I guess I WAS worse off than I thought I was. I think that is why this SOMETHING happened. Cause I needed it more than I thought I did.

Weekend Update

2008-11-22T22:28:00.003-05:00

Last night we had a fun sleep over at my friends house.

Our kids get along very well. It was fun. The kids played dress-up. It was a first for Maddie, and I could tell she thought it was pretty cool.

We watched Kung-Fu Panda, and the kids went to bed about 9. Then Mindy and I watched Baby Mama. It was pretty good.

Well, I have no more to say tonight....I went to bed at 2 last night and the night before that Cam was up from 1-4.

My Little Baker

2008-11-21T11:53:00.001-05:00

Maddie helped me bake cupcakes for Daddy's hunting trip.

2008-11-20T15:17:00.004-05:00

So I am sitting here trying to think of something profound to blog about. But then the funniest thing happens and so I have to share.

I hear Maddie in the kitchen and by the sounds I can tell the baby gate is not shut to our landing for the backdoor. So I look and I see her pointing and saying in her little demanding voice "Sit"! To our Dog Max. He is down on the landing and she "shuts" the baby gate, but of course it is not locked. So she comes proudly (in a cocky way) walking out towards the living area. But not to my surprise Max busts through the gate to open it. This makes a much more threatening sound than what it is and suddenly the smirk on Maddies face disappears and she looks worried and she comes running into the living room.

It just made me laugh because to think she was so confidently telling him to stay out there. hee hee. She will yell at him to Sit even when he IS sitting. It is pretty funny.

Today we went to story reading time at the library. It was cute. I think we are going to move up a class though. It was for birth - 17 months. And she will be 17 months in just a couple of days. I felt like she was the bad kid in the class, but really I think it was just that she was the oldest. All the other babies sat in their parents laps and nicely listened to the story. Miss Social Maddie wanted to go over and put her hands all over all the kids. During story time, while the others were being quiet, Maddie is saying "Hiiiiiii" with cute little waving hand to each of the kids. Then laughing at herself for being so cute. She also, kicked the boy next to her while trying to get out of my hold. And she stole books from the littler kids during book sharing time. Then she ran her forehead into the table in the classroom! (she gets clumsy right before nap time which is 11:00 and the class started at 10:30)

Needless to say, I think she should do better with kids more her age or even older than her.

I think I saw a glimpse into my future for when Miss Social Maddie goes to school. *SIGH*

Wordless Wednesday

2008-11-19T19:38:00.008-05:00

Maddie's new thing... she unzips her PJs and walks around the house like this.

And Cam, his typical face, but it sure is still cute, isn't it?

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I stole something yesterday

2008-11-19T12:59:00.006-05:00

Yes, I hate to admit it, but I did steal something yesterday. But you see, it really wasn't my fault! (do you notice this theme in my blog lately of not taking responsibility for my actions?)

I was in the doctors office and next to me on the table was the October Rachel Ray Everyday Magazine. I am leafing through it and right in the middle is a little tear out booklet with a week full of recipes. Complete with one of those handy shopping lists. They are pretty much ALL good recipes. So I sit there, thinking about how I really just want to tear out this little booklet. I try to rationalize why it is ok for me to take the booklet home. And finally I end on it still being "stealing" as innocent as it may seem. So I decide NOT to take the booklet out.

But here is what happens and why it is NOT my fault!

I keep turning pages and all of a sudden... BAM! The booklet falls right into my lap. That is right, It falls out of the Magazine. I decide at that moment that it is meant to be that I take the booklet with me. And so I did. Ok, ok, actually I ended up taking the whole magazine. ;P (I didn't want some other reader to be disappointed when they see there is supposed to be a booklet with 7 recipes and a shopping list, and they can't read it!)

So I am going to hell in a hand basket.

But here is how I am making it better so that the booklet/magazine wasn't stolen in vain. Tonight, I am making one of the recipes from the booklet. Cross your fingers that Karma doesn't kick me in the booty and we end up with burned pork chops.

Maddie, Cam, and Me!

2008-11-18T09:12:00.004-05:00

Well, I haven't done much updating lately. So this is just going to be a post with some baby updates.

Maddie is such a little stinker. She LOVES her brother to death. If she could she would just squeeze him and hug him all day long! I am not sure yet what he thinks of her. I hate to say it, but he already seems annoyed with her if you will. I am sure it is to early to tell, and I am sure soon enough she will be making him squeal with joy, but it is really funny. When she lays a hand on him, he already pulls aways and grunts.

Maddie only likes to feed herself, she has become very helpful too. She takes Cameron's diapers and puts them in the trash. I can ask her to pick up things and put them in her room and for the most part she will. Sometimes she gets distracted on the way there. I can tell her to take Cam's empty bottles to the kitchen and she will put them on the counter. She gets me diapers, and pillows etc. She loves to help. She also now says Mom. It is pretty cute. I mean she used to say mama now and then, but now it is a lot when she wants something. Mom, mom, MOM, MOM, mom. She also constantly wants me to pick her up. I am not sure if this is because of Cameron and having to split my attention with him. Or the fact that right after my c-section I couldn't hold her for a while. Also, she has been giving the best hugs the past few days. Full arms around my belly type hugs and snuggles. Those never get old!

Cameron is loving his swing these days. he gazes up at the little guys that dangle from the mobile. He is just starting to smile a lot now and even make some cute noises. He LOVES to snuggle. He is going to be a Mama's boy for sure. I am ok with that. ;) He is doing pretty well at night. I think it will only be a matter of time now before he starts sleeping through the night. (Maddie did at 7 weeks, which is only a week away for him now.) We still have yet to get his room put together. I am hopeful that will happen soon however. One other thing about Cameron is that he is already ALL BOY! This baby farts and burbs like a grown man! And his farts honestly stink up the room! I have NEVER had Maddie fart so bad while I was feeding her that I had to hold my breath! With Cameron this happens often. Sometimes he stinks so bad, I think for sure he has a full diaper. And much to my surprise when I change it, it is empty! Geez. Who knew!

Anyhow these days, which are tiring and exhausting are also fun, and full of love and happiness. And what more can a Mom ask for?

Just Tar and Feather me now!

2008-11-17T10:47:00.003-05:00

Maddie, Cameron and I are listening to.......

Christmas Music!!

This all came about because Maddie turned the stereo on and for some reason it was on a station talking about Sports. Ugh. So, I went over to change it, and got the bright idea to turn it to 100.3 the station in Detroit that plays Christmas Music 24-7. :)

It is not my fault. I got a phone call from my new friend Katie inviting me to a MOPS cookie exchange, and an email from my GNO (girls night out) group talking about picking a date for our exchange. PLUS, on top of all that, when I look out my window, the trees here are lined with SNOW! :)

Oh, I love the holidays! I have to hold myself back right now from going downstairs and getting some decorations. DJ would kill me. Plus I have a strict rule about not decorating before Thanksgiving.

That reminds me... I have to set a date for my annual card signing get-together. The past three years or so I have had friends over to sign, address and stamp our Holiday cards. It is fun to do it with some friends.

Ironically enough, my Mom's favorite Christmas Song just came on the radio. Little Drummer Boy. I can actually see her singing Per-rummp pum, pum, pum. ;) If I got those words wrong, that is just me. I always just make up the words to songs. If you can't understand it, just fill in the blank.

Ok, gotta go. Maddie is NOT happy about me being on the computer! She wants to dance some more to the Christmas Songs!

The Date Night

2008-11-16T14:29:00.009-05:00

The way I imagined date night to play out in my head:

Dinner at Outback, with us enjoying a yummy steak, and me some Wallaby-Darneds, DJ with his wine of choice. Some talk about our babes and the current tornado like state of our house.

Then on to our local bar where I could enjoy one, MAYBE two of their YUMMY Cosmos that I have not had in a long time.

Then off to home by about 10:00 or 11:00 for some TV watching in bed time. Asleep, by Midnight. Up by 10:00 and then some clean-up of our tornado like state house.

I should have known it was not going to play out like that when we called and invited friends to meet us at the bar.

I should have known it was not going to play out that way when we got to said local bar to find my Sister and her Boyfriend there with some of their friends.

I should have known it was not going to play out that way when my Dad walked in to the bar about 20 minutes after we did.

Oh, I should have known

Here is the way the night really went:

Dinner at Outback, with us enjoying a yummy steak, and me some Wallaby-Darneds, DJ with his wine of choice. Some talk about our babes and the current tornado like state of our house.

Then on to our local bar where I enjoyed one, two, OK THREE of their YUMMY Cosmos that I had not had in a long time. Plus, a Jager Bomb shot, and 3 peachtree and diet cokes. (don't ask)

Then off to home by about 2:15ish. Asleep, by 3:15. Up by 11:30 to lay around in bed all day!

Gotta love Date Night :)

GUESS WHAT?!?!

2008-11-15T12:59:00.003-05:00

Guess Dear Reader??? Tonight hubby and I are having a date night! Whoo hoo!

Can you tell I am pretty excited about this? But really, what is pretty lame about this, is that it really is nothing very exciting we are going to. In fact, in my pre-mom life this is no more than our regular boring weekend nights.

We are going to dinner at Outback so that I can divulge in some Wallabee Darned's. YUMMO- I cannot wait to taste one. It has been about 11 months too long since I have had one. Then we will probably stop at our local bar for some drinkie drinks.

But the best part is that I have an overnight babysitter- Maddie's Nanny and Papa Danny. So that means that I can get some uninterrupted sleep tonight! Whoo Hoo! I am not sure which I am more excited about, the date or the sleep. Lol.

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Old Friends, New Friends

2008-11-14T19:34:00.002-05:00

There was a poem once that said something like New Friends are silver old friends Gold. Or maybe that was the other way around. Anyhow, you get the jist, and I think that is so true.

Today, I got together with my very old childhood friend Monica. It was so nice. I mean, you would think since we have not seen each other in many years that it would be akward, or pressured. But it was nothing like that. It was just same old Monica. It just felt normal, right to be hanging out with her. I mean, who else knows so much about the real you. For me, no one other than my Sister and then my BFF- but we have only known each other for 16 years. It is not the same as your childhood friend ya know.

She had a beautiful daughter who I will not mention her name, as Monica and her hubby are leary about the online stuff. But for those of you who know me well, it was the name I originally wanted to use for Maddie.

Anyhow, we took the kiddos to the mall and let them play in the playscape. They had a blast. It was Maddie's first time someplace like that. On the way from lunch to the playscape, the girls were riding side by side in their strollers and they were HOLDING HANDS! It was the cutest thing ever. They didn't let go the entire way to the playscape! So cute! It is pretty funny to me. Her daughter looked just like she did as a kid, so it is kinda like little mini us playing together.

I promise you one thing. My Mom is smiling in Heaven knowing we got together, that our babies got along so well, and just at how cute and sweet her daughter was, and how much she looked just like Monica!

In Heaven!!!!!!!

2008-11-13T08:48:00.004-05:00

I am in HEAVEN right now. Yesterday I went grocery shopping and I decided to splurge, both monetarily and calorically (is that a word?) on one of the coffee mate cream flavors (not the powder stuff, the good stuff!). My favorite Vanilla Caramel!

YUM!

I am sitting here enjoying some peace and quiet. Maddie is still sleeping... well actually she is awake in her crib- I saw her up on the video monitor. But she is not making any noises to make me aware that she is up. So in the crib she stays. I am enjoying the time to be on the 'puter, and obviously she needs some time to wake up still. So that works for me. Cameron is enjoying some swing time.

Ok, Maddie is now babbling to herself in there and it is the cutest thing ever! I love hearing the sounds of my happy babies. Now she is saying "Paaaaaapppaaa"! She still hasn't gotten used to Papa NOT getting her out of her crib in the mornings from when my Dad came to help out those two weeks. LOL. She is a goof and she sure loves her Papa. And who wouldn't? He is a great Papa, super fun and loving, just like he was as a Dad. My Mom may be gone, but how blessed am I to still have an amazing Dad with me!

Ok, Ok, I will stop giving you all play by plays of what my daughter is doing in her crib. But before I go, Maddie's babbling to herself reminded me of this post I wrote when Maddie was a baby. Go here to read it!

P.S. Cam is starting to make some noises... almost coos. I LOVE those sounds. He stops real quick though cause as soon as he makes the noise I smother him with kisses cause I think it is so cute. Maybe I should give the boy a chance to speak, huh? haha.

I am sure this heavenly feeling will quickly end when I go to get Maddie and find out the reason she stayed in there so long was to make Mommy a nice poopy diaper! :) Oh Mother-hood!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-11-12T17:53:00.003-05:00

I know this is supposed to be "Wordless" Wednesday, but you all should know me well enough by now to know there is not much about me that is "wordless"

The above is a picture of me and my honey on our Wedding Day. Gorgeous isn't it?! (And you thought I was only so humble with my kids. lol!)

I didn't blog about the fact that September 17th was my 4 year anniversary. I spent the night in the hospital visiting my Mom. If I remember correctly, it was one of her better nights. In fact, she apologized for not having a card for me and told me she would give me one when she got out (*tear*). Anyhow, DJ did not do anything to celebrate it. I don't even think we ate dinner together that night. But I think in the deepest of my thoughts, I knew my Mom wasn't coming out of the hospital, and so nothing really mattered to me at the time.

Our first Anniversary we went downtown and got a hotel. Had an amazing dinner, and had fun bar-hopping that night. The second year we stayed home and I made us a fancy dinner myself. Fillet with stuffed mushrooms, asparagus, and a salad. I set up a very romantic table with new table cloth, napkins, etc. I even bought a water fountain that sat next to us for some ambiance. It was nice.

Now, enter us having kids. I cannot for the life of me remember what we did for the 3 rd year. And you already read what we did this year. Actually I don't remember what we did last year, but I just remembered what my gift was! It was a pumpkin spice candle (I hate spice scents!) and a welcome sign for the door with a scarecrow on it.

Umm, yikes! That might go down in the book of worst Anniversary gifts. lol. It was better to get nothing this year! haha. But, the scarecrow thingy did make it's way onto our door this year!

My wedding was amazing, and fun, and beautiful and I would love to do it all over again. I have been feeling in need of some DJ and Me time. It is funny, when Maddie was born, I was just ALL MOM! But lately with Cameron, I am feeling a bit boring and, well, ALL MOM. :) I think a date night is in the near future, and hey, maybe we will even toast to being together for 4 YEARS! (Gulp!)

go here to see other Wordless Wednesday participants

Today's Post

2008-11-11T23:02:00.002-05:00

I am cutting it close here. I am very tired, too. I did a lot today and got stuff done around the house. The hall closet is organized, so is my bathroom cabinet, and a lot of laundry got done. I am a happy Momma. :)

2008-11-10T22:52:00.003-05:00

I was down in the basement going through Maddie's clothes that no longer fit. I really loved some of those outfits. It is hard to think about giving them away. I am so happy to have a boy, but in a way I wish I could re-use some of those cutie patootie outfits.

Then there are a ton of clothes that my Mom bought for her. Seeing those particular items of clothing just made me want to throw up. Just writing this I feel like throwing up. It is such a weird reaction. I never do throw-up, but I often get the urge when I think about her not being here. Tonight in the basement I had to take deep breathes to calm myself. It is odd to me that it hurts so much, and that is kinda gets worse and not better. But I figured it out. It is my subconcious that does not get that she is dead. Trust me, my concious mind is completely and fully 100% aware that she is not here. However, it is the core of my being that just does not want to accept it. I was just down there going through the clothes and I think about the fact that she is gone, and I have to fight the urge to run upstairs and scream and yell to DJ "Babe, my Mom is dead, she is gone, did you know that?" He would think I am crazy.

Of course he knows that, I know that, but sometimes, no, most often, when I think about it, it feels like I am finding this out for the first time. Not like almost 7 weeks have gone by already.

Dear blog reader, let me just tell you, NO ONE has any idea how much it hurts. Unless you have lost your Mom that is. I mean, I know you all think you may have an idea how much it hurts. And I did too at one time. I KNEW it was going to be SOOO unbelievably hard, and when I heard of others losing their parents, I always admitted that I couldn't imagine how hard it was for them. But, It is 75 times harder than the hardest I thought it would be.

Breast Cancer 3-day

2008-11-09T23:04:00.003-05:00

I have been doing crazy things lately. Like committing myself to blog EVERYDAY for 30 days. And, the craziness is continuing... Last night I signed up to walk the Breast Cancer 3-day in August of 2009. I am extremely excited and nervous about this comittment. For a couple of reasons. 1.) The training is pretty intesnse. More time consuming that anything. 2.) I have to raise $2,300 and if I do not reach that goal the balance is up to me.

SOO, this means I have to get on the fundraising band-wagon. I have a couple of ides and they are very fun. 1st, I plan to sell used books. I am going to ask friends and family for donations of old books and I am going to sell them at a craft fair or a Flea Market. 2nd, I am going to host a poker tournament at my house with half the proceeds going to the 3-day/half going to the winner. 3rd, I am going to have a garage sale. I will probably also do a Pampered Chef fundraiser, and some other things I haven't even thought of yet.

Do any of you Dear Blog Readers have any other suggestions for me on how to raise funds?

Anyhow, I will start training for the 3-day in February. 6 months of training. I will be blogging about my progress on here, so be sure to check back in the following months to see how I am doing.

Next week I should get my clearance from my OB to start exercising and I have a lot to do to even prepare myself to start the 3-day training. I am honestly out of shape! ;)

This time I will NOT be getting pregnant to ruin this goal for me like happened after this post.

Being a Mom

2008-11-08T12:45:00.004-05:00

When my Mom passed away it made me realize how important my role of a Mother is.

Ironically enough, since my Mom has passed I have really sucked in the Mom department.

Part of this is because of the addition of my newest little one. I now just have less time to do things with Maddie and a lot more on my plate. Also for poor Cameron, the quality of his care compared to the care Maddie received at his age is much to be desired. The poor kid is often left to cry in his bassinette while I attend to Maddie's needs. What can I say? I am only one person.

The other part is that I have been tense, and easily irritated. I know this has a lot to do with losing my Mom. Suddenly it is hard for me to just handle regular old stress and issues. At one time my life was just complete, and dare I say perfect. Now, there is a big gapping hole in my world, in my being.

In my Mom's final hours and the ones soon after her passing, I had so many memories of my childhood flood to my mind. Basically, it was just a lot of simple, un-fun memories. Suddenly the big events weren't important, but that fact that she was always there for me was. The times we spent together when my big Sister was in school and I was still home. The times like her giving me my medicine and a kiss when I was sick. The fact that when I was sick and laying on the couch, she was sitting on the love seat nearby. The fact that she was home for pretty much every bedtime, bathtime, etc. She was just there. I cannot put into words the appreciation and happiness I felt after her death about being home with Maddie.

I am not always a perfect Mom, and I am sure I never will be. Lucky for me that I realized one other thing from my Mom's passing. Mom's don't have to be perfect, they just have to be.

Haiku Friday

2008-11-07T11:28:00.005-05:00

Feeling Tense Today
So much to do at my house
Baby Boy's Cranky.

Baby girl's in bed
I don't think she is sleeping
But soon she will be.

Missing Mom today
It has been 6 weeks too long
Things are not the same

Call me crazy...

2008-11-07T00:09:00.003-05:00

But I am going to do this!

I will be blogging EVERYDAY this month! It is a bit of a commitment, but I think it will be good for me. Writing is very theraputic for me. It helps me get a lot off of my mind. Not to mention, but I have been meaning to work on the quality of my posts. And they say the more you write, the better you write. There has been a couple of blogging jobs I have thought of applying for. But they always want to see examples, and most of the time I just come on here and let me thoughts run wild. I would like to have some quality posts that I would feel comfortable showing off if you will. ;)

New Friend...

2008-11-06T23:41:00.002-05:00

I guess I met a new friend today. Her name is Katie. Katie lives on the block behind me. Yesterday I was out with the kiddos enjoying the gorgeous day. I was on the other side of the street and she called out to me as I was walking by.

"Hello over there!" She yelled out to me.
I waved back and said "Hello!"

Now let me regress a minute. I do think that things happen for a reason, and I do think that people come into your life for certain reasons. So I find the way this worked out to be interesting.... Today the kiddos and I set off for our walk going the complete opposite direction of our walk yesterday. I make this walk a shorter version of our usual route due to having had a c-section only 4 weeks ago. I am not supposed to "exercise" for 6 weeks, and well I know it is just a walk, but compared to what I did during my pregnancy... this IS exercise for me. lol.

Anyhow, as we are heading back to the house, I realize that I am not even starting to feel tired from the walk, and I am trying to build up my endurance so that I can quickly get back to an active lifestyle. So I decided to pass by my house and keep on walking. As I do this, I do start to feel a bit tired, and Maddie decides to get fussy. So, I turn down the block behind my street and start to head home. It didn't even occur to me that I was heading down the same street I had walked yesterday. Well, I happen to walk right past Katie's house and she happens to be out gardening. She has 3 gorgeous boys. They are 4,2, and 9 months. We actually talked for a while, and find out we have a lot of view points in common. (I also noticed a McCain/Palin sticker on her vehicle which made me like her even more- not that I would let political differences affect my relationships anyhow. But it felt good since I think out of all my friendships most everyone else is a fan of Obama, and it felt good to have that in common with someone.) Anyhow, before I continued my walk home, she asked me for my phone number.

I guess it was friendship at first sight, ha ha.

Me and My Babies...

2008-11-05T09:29:00.001-05:00

Just missing DJ in here :(

Did You Vote?

2008-11-04T19:54:00.005-05:00

I hope you did. While we wait to find out the results... here are some pictures to entertain you!

Maddie got into some chocolate

This is her answering my question of how she got so messy. She "tells" me a story and she has the hand motions and everything to go with it!

Isn't he the cutest thing ever?? (I am talking about Cam here, although my hubby is cute too!)

More cuteness!

A look of concern- for what I am not sure.

Dear Mom,

2008-11-03T22:30:00.000-05:00

I bought a book, called "Do Dead People Watch Me Shower". I read it in a day and a half. It was so interesting. I makes me feel closer to you. It makes me comforted to think of the after life in this way.

Tomorrow is 6 weeks since you have been gone. I miss you more each day. It is so amazing how many little things make me think of you. Any thing you have ever purchased for me, where before I hardly remembered you bought for me. Yesterday I pulled out a spreader at family dinner, and remembered that you gave it to me. I always just thought you were so kind for the things you gave me. Now, I am so appreciative of them. They help me think of you daily.

The kiddos are doing great. Maddie is just doing amazing things. You would be getting such a kick out of her. I wish you were here to see her. I wish you could have held Cameron. I really just want to touch your hand one more time. It is so weird, I actually wish I could go back to the week you were in the hospital. I would even take the days you were on the ventilator and I couldn't talk to you... cause you were still there, still here. Still with us. I know all of these things are completely selfish on my part. You are so much better off where you are now, but I can't help but to be a bit selfish, cause I am missing you Mom.

More Pics...

2008-11-02T13:17:00.001-05:00

November

2008-11-01T23:28:00.000-04:00

Can you believe November is here already!? Where is the time going. I swear that ever since I became a stay-at-home Mom time has been flying by!

Flashback and Comparison

2008-10-31T13:38:00.004-04:00

Maddie's First Halloween. October 2007 4 months old.

Cameron's Fist Halloween. October 2008. 3 weeks old.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T11:49:00.005-04:00

Okay, you guys are getting an overload of pictures here, because I cannot decide cause they are all flippin cute! Costume Pics to come tomorrow! Yesterday we went to the pumpkin patch to get a pumpkin. Notice Maddie's new winter coat bought with money given to us by her Nanny and Papa Danny for necessities....thanks Nanny and Papa Danny!! Oh, and her shirt says "Ghouls just wanna have fun!" Isn't that the cutest!!

**Please excuse any mess you may see in my house pictures.... I am still trying to get a hold of my household. Hey, it has only been 3 weeks and I have a lot of catching up to do from my non up keep during the pregnancy!

"She Sees Him"

2008-10-27T12:58:00.004-04:00

DJ's Grandma is 92 years old, and she is one sharp lady. This is pretty impressive since his Mom is in her 50s and not even as sharp as her own Mom. (Did I say that out loud?)

Anyhow, DJ's Mom and Grandma came over yesterday and his Grandma was sitting on the love seat and I was on the couch snuggling with Cameron. His Grandma says to me, "Your Mom.... she can see him. Trust me, I died 3 times, and I know she sees him." And if you could have seen her face. It was so sweet and reassuring. And it really made me smile and feel comforted.

My curiosity of course got the best of me, and I swear I could sit and just talk about this topic all day. I had to ask her about her "dying". Unfortunately she replaced the battery in her hearing aid and she says it was not working properly. So having a conversation with her was pretty difficult. But I asked, if when she died she saw the people around her. She said No, but that she was seeing a light and it was soooo beautiful and peaceful. But she got half-way there and came back. She said "I Guess God wasn't ready for me yet." LOL. I wanted to ask her then how does she know... but the conversation ended cause she was really having a hard time understanding what I was asking her. I hope my Mom had the same beautiful experience when she left this world.

I haven't mentioned much about how she passed. But my family had to make a decision to take her off of life support. Her body could not function without the life support. The Doctor said to us during our very long family discussion about our decision that we were not choosing to kill her, but just choosing not to mess with timing of when she would pass. Not extending her life for our own selfishness. But sometimes, when I am trying to go to sleep, it feels a bit like we decided for her to pass. It is really hard to have that on your chest. I know in my heart that we did the right thing, and it really helps to think about the fact that when she left this world she went to this really beautiful place and that it felt so good for her. Because seeing your Mom suffering on life support is really hard. I have so many bad images of the last few days of my Mom's life, and I can't help but to wonder what all she felt, was she in discomfort, etc. I just ache to know what it was like for her those last few days and her final hour and minutes. I am sure when she left it was the same as what DJ's Grandma described, and for that I thank God.

Dear Mom,

2008-10-27T11:48:00.002-04:00

Went to Danielle's shower at Aunt Shirley's yesterday. Shell and I went for her and you only of course. Aunt Shirley loved seeing Maddie and Cam of course. When I came in she said "Oh, good, if you didn't have the baby I wasn't going to let you come in!" haha. You know our family. They love the babies. It felt good to be around them. To see Aunt Shirley and Aunt Nettie holding Cam. I felt like they were an extension of you. In a way, like you were there holding him. I think I got just as many gifts as Danielle did! lol. And of course both Aunt Shirley and Aunt Nettie got something for Maddie too. Heaven for bid they should give to one and not the other. But, I felt very loved and special. In a way, made up for you not being here, like only your sister could do I guess. But the truth is NOTHING makes up for you not being here.

Why can't you just still be here Mom? It sucks that every week I think "Cam is 3 weeks old this week", and then I follow it up with, and 5 weeks since Mom died. It does not get easier, it gets harder. I cannot believe that you have been gone so long already. Over an entire month. Like when it was 2 weeks since you passed, that was only 2 weeks without you. But now, 5 weeks without you seems just completely unfair. I doubt this probably makes sense to anyone but me.

Dad is becoming Mr Mom and is keeping himself busy by learning how to cook, and keep house. Can you believe it? LOL. He is also being a very good Dad and Papa. I think in everything he does he thinks "What would Pam do, or tell me to do in this situation". So he has really picked up the slack on the things that you would have made sure happens.

I guess we are still going to your house on Halloween. I knew that the holidays would hurt without you being there. BUt I will admit, I had no idea that a dumb holiday like Halloween would make me miss you so much. But we are getting together, and will do things all the same, just without you there. I think Shell is going to make goulash. I really wish I could taste your chili and Nachos again. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get them to taste like yours :(.

Ok, well I could just pretend like you are here and talk and talk and talk forever. So I guess I will just make myself go now.

Missing you more everyday, Love Missy.

What to do?

2008-10-24T09:32:00.003-04:00

What do you do when your toddler is being bad but it is so flipping funny? I used to laugh at other's kids and it was OK cause they were not mine. haha. I thought for sure that I would be that strong parent with my own kid who did not laugh. NO way, I feel like I laugh more. Maddie is such a character and she already knows how to be super funny or cute when she is doing bad stuff to get away with it. Even when I hold a straight face, she can tell by my eyes that I am laughing inside. That little rascal. I need to be stronger.

Also, do you guys let your little ones get into things they shouldn't? I do that all the time. Not anything that can hurt them. But right now Maddie is emptying the contents of my diaper bag. Hey it is entertainment (and education) for her,and it allows me to be on here typing to all my dear blog readers.

Sorry I haven't been posting many pics lately. The truth is, I haven't had time to take many, and those I have I haven't had the time to download to my computer. The computer that I DL pics to is in what is becoming Cam's room until I get an office set up downstairs in the dungeon. So right now, that room is a complete mess, and I can't even stand to sit in it for a minute to get pics downloaded. This weekend we will probably take the computer downstairs, so it might be a while. But I am happy that we will get Cam's room set up. Yay! Not that he will sleep in it yet for a while, but it makes me happy to have it organized. My Step-Mother-in-law got us a crib and changing table from her boss for FREE! How freaking awesome is that. And the best part is that it is white which is the color I was hoping for, but I was going to take anything. I just couldn't see spending money on a crib when Maddie probably won't be in hers much longer. I also took a dresser from my parents spare bedroom. It is the dresser that I had as a kid, my nephew Danny used it as his dresser and then my Mom used it to store things in it for my two younger niece and nephew, and then Maddie for when they stayed the night. My sis and I cleaned out the dresser so I can use it for Cam. I know that would make my Mom happy.

Ok, well I gotta run, I have diaper bag contents to pick up :)

Oh Mr Cam Man, Bring me a dream....

2008-10-21T19:58:00.002-04:00

Oh wait, in order to dream you have to sleep, right? Now I know why everyone but me in my family has had a dream with my Mom in it.

Cameron is a sweet, loving, cute baby. He sleeps well, makes the cutest faces, eats well, he looks around with the cutest looks when he has wake time. But then night falls. ANd my loveable sweet baby turns into devil spawn.

Ok, it really isn't THAT bad, but my goodness. He does not sleep, he sometimes is fussy when he eats, and sometimes he acts like he wants to eat every hour. He is fussy and not much consoles him.

I think this would have been easier to handle had this been my first baby. Infact, most babies I know act this way. I was so happy/surprised to have Maddie who was an angel baby. All my family told me I was so lucky, and I did know that. DJ on the other hand did not really get it. He thought she cried a lot. HA, he sure is eating his words now. Anyhow, I was really hoping for two angel babies. But I will make do. I love that little man more than words can describe, but BOY oh BOY would I LOVE some sleep!

Dear Mom,

2008-10-20T00:22:00.003-04:00

It is weird Mom. I miss you on gorgeous days, and dreary days. I think of you when there is a happy song on the radio, I think of you when there is a sad song on the radio. I think of you when I hold Cameron and give Maddie kisses. Basically, I just think about you all the time. Some days I am OK, and just happy thinking about you. Some days I can't help but to feel so sorry for myself, and Shell, and Dad and all the kiddos- and of course for you that you are not here to see your grandkids. But I know you are ok. I just didn't think it would be THIS hard. And I guess I thought it would get easier as time passed, not harder. Tuesday it will be a month. And that for me is one month too long not to have you in my life.

Dad has been coming to stay with me every day to help with Maddie since I cannot lift her cause of the c-section. I am not getting much sleep these days- Cam has his days and nights mixed up and I even think there may be a chance that he is colicky. (I know, I know you warned me that my chances of having two babies as good as Maddie was low.) I swear he is an old grouchy soul. Sometimes he just gets this little look on his face of worry. It is the sweetest thing. Reminds me of you and how much you used to worry about things.

Tonight was family dinner and we went to your house. Had chinese takeout and it was very yummy. Of course Miss Maddie didn't want to have anything to do with anyone but Chelsea. Poor Chelsea... has to hold her the whole time they are over. Dad found 2 boxes of pictures that he thought was old bills. What a fun surprise to go through. We all had some great laughs tonight going through those. There were many pictures of us as a family and some great ones of Grandma that just made me smile.

We all miss you Mom. Everyone else, including DJ has dreams of you. I have not yet. I am waiting to see you again in my dreams. I can't figure out why I have not had one yet. Everyone is so surprised to see that in their dreams you are not wearing oxygen, and you are always healthy. Also, they all mention that you are ageless. They cannot figure out how old you are in the dream. I feel like I am the only one to get the symbolism of that. Everyone else just seems surprised. But I know it is cause you are coming to them, and right now you are up in Heaven, happy, content, without illness, and ageless. This comforts me Mom. I still think it is completely unfair that you are gone. I still think it is unfair that you died at the age of 63, when we could have had so much more time together. But, I try not to let the thoughts of fairness and sadness consume me. I have so much to be happy about, and I know that you would not want me to be sad.

Can you come down and give Cam some angel kisses to help him go to sleep? It is 1:10and he is still awake, and doesn't look like he is close to falling asleep! I could really use some zzzz's tonight. :)

Nighty Night, Missy

Hi

2008-10-18T21:41:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to check in before I have to feed the babe. I really don't know what I want to write about, just felt like blogging.

Last night Cam slept the best he has so far. Maddie woke up in a decent mood. I organized/cleaned her room. Moved out the baby stuff and into Cam's room and I took out all of her clothes that were too small. We got her a new toy bin and so now all of her toys reside in her room. (well the small ones at least). I feel like our house is taken over by baby stuff. Not only do we now have Maddies big toys in our living room, we now also have a baby swing, and bouncy chair, and his bassinet during the day. I am honestly going crazy about my house being a wreck. It bothered me when I was PG, but I was too tired to really care to do anything about it, so I dealt with it. Well, now it is REALLY bothering me! I feel decent enough to do some work on it. But I still tire easily and it is not that easy to get a lot done with a baby and a 15 month old. I feel so bad that DJ has been practically waiting on me hand and foot the whole pregnancy, so I try not to make him do too much! But I still need help lifting anything heavy.

Ok, well gotta go feed Cam. He was supposed to eat at 9:30 and the longer I let him go, the later that means I have to feed him tonight.

Wondering where I have been? & Pics just for fun!

2008-10-16T22:08:00.007-04:00

You would think having a new baby I would be blogging every day with lots of pics, wouldn't you? WELL, Cameron has his days and nights mixed up, so I have not been getting much sleep. Plus, it is SO much busier with two! I am working on scheduling Cam with the Baby Wise schedule, so wish me luck that he will take to it as well as Maddie did and I will soon be getting all the sleep I need.

I uploaded some pics in previous blogs below, so make sure to check them out, but for now, here are some pics from the week just for fun!!!

Sister and Brother

We thought Cam might bring them some luck... Guess not.

Go from right to left. Mommy's, Daddy's, Maddie's, Cam's. Yay for Beer again. :)

I love this outfit!

Papa with his babies. My Dad has been coming over to lift Maddie for me. Maddie is loving having him here full time. She loves snuggling with him in this chair.

Yes, Maddie is a kisser. Showing her buddy Hanna some love.

Maddie got a new toy bin.

Cam, wanna play ball?

Brought this out for Cameron, but Maddie took over.

Cam says: This thing called life is not exactly what I expected!

ETA: Does anyone else think the light halo around Maddie is odd? I think it is my Mom shining a ray of light down on her and Cam.

Our Complete Family

2008-10-16T22:05:00.001-04:00